


I prefer to say 'pardon me' instead of 'come again' because it sounds less kinky

by Chipmunksoncoffee



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bad Humor, Bottom Im Changkyun | I.M, Dirty Jokes, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Power Bottom, Praise Kink, Public Blow Jobs, Rimming, Texting, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-08-13 15:01:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20176201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chipmunksoncoffee/pseuds/Chipmunksoncoffee
Summary: Mr. Im "I-don't-do-relationships" Changkyun gives Mr. Lee "I've-never-had-a-one-night-stand-before" Hoseok a blowjob on a club bathroom, they start sleeping together regularly, which messes with Ck's no relationships rule and with Seok's "no meaningless affairs" stand on sexA messy, one-shot going chaptered work based ona twt promtbc apparently the only time I can think of something to write is when procrastinating on the bird app





	1. I

_ 19:51 _

"Hoseok, you are so not staying in your room tonight" sentenced Hyungwon putting his hands on his hips "Get up, I gotta be there in like ten minutes to set up"

"There's no rule that says it's mandatory to go out for one's birthday" Hoseok mumbled under the covers. He was basically asphyxiating under the blanket but he'd be damned if he let Hyungwon convince him of going clubbing. No, sir, he still has a very much broken heart to tend and would rather be left alone than face people.

"No, but best friend's duty demands you come to my first gig of the season. Also, stop talking like a grandpa, you sound like, I don't know, Hyunwoo drunk or something"

"You had one last week, Won, and Minhyuk is also your best friend, ask him. Or Hyunwoo, and while you're at it, you can, maybe, confess"

"And you missed said gig, not happening again. I'm gonna ignore the last part and tell you that Min is gonna be there, he already confirmed" the taller boy replied while starting to tug at the covers "Plus, it's your birthday, you big oaf, you could, I don't know, dance your sorrows aways while celebrating your damn day"

"Don't wanna"

"I'm gonna call you mom if you don't hop on the shower in the next five minutes"

The raven-haired boy uncovered himself enough to reveal his face only, to glare at his friend for full effect.

"_ You wouldn't dare _"

"Try. Me."

***

_ 22:11 _

**Sir Nags-a-lot [21:58]**

_ Jooheon and I are almost rounding the corner, you better be ready _

**Me[21:59]**

_ aye aye captain _

Checking himself in the mirror, Changkyun deemed his makeup done, since he barely bothered to do his hair in case it would (hopefully) get messy afterwards, he started to get dressed when the little _ ding! _ of the code being entered let him know Kihyun and Jooheon had just arrived.

"You little shit, you're not even dressed!"

"Hi, hyung" Changkyun answered "I'm done with makeup, it'll be like five minutes, chill"

"Clock's ticking"

"My boyfriend says he's already on the club," said Jooheon while looking at his reflection, nodding appreciatively "did I tell you guys one of his best friends is tonight's DJ?"

Changkyun looked up from where he was tying up his boot "Like fifty times, honey" he deadpanned "I'm done, let's go."

***

_ 22:37 _

A long line extended from the entrance of the club down to almost two blocks, the loud of the bass could be felt even from the outside, where an overly excited Minhyuk waited by the bouncer.

"Baaaaaaaaaabe, what took you so long? I missed you" whined the sand-haired boy after a loud kiss on the cheek to Jooheon

"Kyun wasn't ready when we picked him up" replied Jooheon, his arm coming to round his boyfriend's waist "This is Kihyun and-"

"Ah, the het"

"Uh, yes, hi"

"And this-"

"I'm Changkyun, 'sup" he nodded.

"This is Hyunwoo, the noodle on the DJ booth is Hyungwon, and the buff dude over the bar is Hoseok, the birthday boy. He's sulking, by the way, just a heads up"

"Why is he sulking if it's his birthday?" asked Kihyun

"His crush dumped marriage news on him, and he didn't even know she was dating someone, to begin with" Hyunwoo explained

"That sucks"

"To be honest, he hadn't even asked for her number, so he was basically imagining his shot" shrugged Minhyuk "Don't tell him I said that, though"

***

_ 01:43 _

Feeling the rhythm, Changkyun felt himself get swayed not sure if by the crowd that dance like him, the beat of All Night by Steve Aoki in the remix version of Minhyuk's friend felt even more addicting by the second.

A little tingling on his skin, the burning in the back of his head let him know he was being watched while he danced, while he felt himself, while he got lost to Camila Cabello's Señorita. The lasts chords of the guitar in the song had him anticipating something, he wasn't sure why, until a pair of hands placed atop his hips, turning him around fast.

"Hey, wanna dance with me?" asked the man in front of him, so close he could smell the alcohol on his breath, the club lights blinking and revealing blown pupil on warm, brown eyes. A purple-tainted tongue ran over also purple-tainted lips, full and so inviting, a round nose with a little slope completed the boyish look. The intensity of the man's gaze only intensified the growing feeling at the base of his stomach.

Looking up and down, he noted the bulging muscles, well-defined arms straining the fabric of the sleeves, the broad shoulders that led to a thick neck he could only imagine how it tasted, and strong thighs, the man in front of him was without a doubt walking sin.

"Gladly" he answered as the _ ooh _ was heard from Chungha's Snapping.

One, two, three, six songs passed and he kept dancing with the man-_ Hoseok _, as he had introduced himself at some point-in front of him. Getting bolder by the minute, they grinded together, moving with the rhythm, none of them felt out of synch, turning around one more time, Changkyun spotted Kihyun a meters away with a petite girl, her back to his chest, her arm around his neck, and chuckled when he made eye contact with his friend, cocking a pierced eyebrow knowingly.

"What's so funny?" Changkyun felt Hoseok say next to his ear, which caused him to feel it run down his spine.

"My friend is so getting some tonight," he said turning around "Jooheon is so getting sexiled"

Hoseok let out a laugh and Changkyun had to stare for a moment because there's no way someone who looked like sex on legs could laugh so prettily, so cutely.

After Attention by Charlie Puth, Dua Lipa's New Rules, Changkyun noticed a pattern in the playlist.

"Damn, who hurt the DJ, he's playing break up songs only" he joked.

"One of his friends it's kinda going through a break up right now, so he's being a jerk, sort of"

"What an idiot" he laughs

"A total asshole"

"First class prick"

"Yeah, he's my best friend" Hoseok deadpanned, but laughed after two seconds, and after another two seconds his face got serious "can I kiss you?"

"Such a gentleman" he replied closing the distance.

Pushing Changkyun's body impossibly close, Hoseok felt their hard-ons rubbing together, the boy's hands one on his hair, the other at the small of his back, gripping tightly at his top, his skin felt on fire where the younger had his hands on, the way his lips danced with his felt electrifying, felt so right, the pool in his stomach demanding he tasted more, but the caramel-haired boy beat him to it, his tongue prodding at his upper lip, asking for permission, which he granted immediately, and _ Oh, God, his tongue _, he felt it teasing his palate, dancing with his, felt it running on his lips, felt if touch his again, slowly, sensual, and so, so addictive. Wandering hands, he felt himself wanting more, more, more, more of the boy, more of the sparks he sent through his body, more of the way his wandering hands gripped at his clothes, pushed closer, chest to chest, more of the way he downright moaned in his deep sinful tone of his when he bit his lower lip, more of the groans he let out whenever their tongues fought dominance.

Lungs burning with the need for air, Hoseok pulled back, resting his forehead against the boy's.

They danced for a few more minutes, the boy's leg coming between his own, rubbing against his crotch, sending sparks everywhere.

"Meet me in the bathroom in five," the boy said in his deep voice.

"What?" he replied dumbfounded.

"Unless you don't want to" the guy shrugged.

_ The hell I don't want to. _

"See you in five" Hoseok managed to breath out.

Checking his phone, he saw he had six unread messages.

**Nunu hyung [3:54]**

_ Where r u? Min left w/jooheon _

_ I'm sexiled lmao _

**Minhyukkie[4:02]**

_ hyung happy bday i love u im going homew bae lol _

_ take hyunwoo hyung plz _

_ love uuuuu _ **♥**

**Wonnie[4:13]**

_ Hey hyung need a ride? Hyunwoo hyung is crashing at my place we can drive you home _

Is he really about to…?

Fuck it.

**Me [4:22]**

_ Already omw home, I took a cab _

_ No need to worry _

Putting his phone back on his jeans, he ignored the buzzing of a new message, probably Hyungwon wishing him goodnight or something, he walked as quickly as he could without looking too desperate to the bathroom.

Upon opening the door, the bright lights made him flinch a little, but that was soon ignored when a pair of hands pulled him by the collar of his shirt to a stool.

"Hey there, almost thought you weren't coming" the baritone voice of the boy welcomed him, as one of his hands moved south to rubbed his clothed erection "isn't it uncomfortable? Seems really tight" he teased.

"Shit, it's just your hand but feels so good"

"You know what feels even better?" brown eyes with dilated pupils looked up to him before the boy reached and kissed him, eager hands making their way past his pants and underwear.

A low moan escaped him but was swallowed by the guy's mouth on his.

Kneeling, the boy giggled, _ fucking giggled _, as he undid Hoseok's pants, the boy's own looking too tight for comfort.

"You've got a pretty cock, _ hyung _"

"T-thanks"

"Leaking already, look at you, haven't even tasted nothing but your lips" the boy taunted giving the dick in his hand a few tugs "I can feel you pulsing, _ hyung _ , how long do you think it'll take before you come" he added and gave it a few kittenish licks to the tip "such a nice cock, very thick, hyung, just like your legs, damn, you have really fucking nice legs, do you think I could ride your thighs in here?" he kept teasingly licking here and there, and the mental image of the boy riding him made his cock twitch "ooh, look at you, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" as if he was licking a lollipop, the boy kept giving him only bits of what his mouth could do "You" suck "think" suck "we" suck "can" suck "manage" sucking, the boy bobbed his head up and down fast, letting out a few gagging noises that only made Hoseok dizzier, one long suck, the boy hollowed his cheeks and Hoseok felt the pressure and heat enveloping his dick, blood rushing south, his thoughts blurry "in such a little space?" suck and a loud _ pop _ "I'd like to try, I prepped, by the way"

Hoseok was a moaning mess, he didn't even know how long they had been there, his thighs, his lower belly, everywhere in his body he could feel the anticipation, the burning building up, he let his head fall back, didn't even felt it hit the bathroom tiles.

"Chang-Changkyun, I'm-_ god, oh fuck _ -I'm coming, I'm- _ Oh, fuck" _

Swallowing as much as he could, the boy rose to his feet, Hoseok helped him clean the rest on his face with his thumb, dizzy and fucked out as he was, he pulled the boy close and kissed him, he tasted himself, which was by far one of the hottest things in the world. The younger put his arms around his neck and kissed again and again, groaning when the black-haired male undid his pants ( wow, no underwear?), and gave his throbbing dick a few tentative tugs.

"Oh, fuck, your hands, dammit, keep going" he mumbled with his forehead between the juncture of Hoseok's shoulder and his neck.

The older felt the boy shaking a little, so he slowed the pace of his hand, he wanted him to enjoy it, make it last, make it worth it, he placed butterfly kisses on the boy's neck, going up to his ear lobe, and back again, the younger moaned and bit him, a low whine sounding loud inside the bathroom after a flick of the wrist.

"Hnng, hyung, fuck, yeah, keep going, that feels good, shit, it's just your hand, fuck, yes, that's it, good boy, you're such a good boy, hyung, I'm, _ ohh, god, yes, more _"

The boy groaned, Hoseok felt himself getting hard again, if that's how he sounded from a simple handjob, God knows how many more beautiful noises he would make with something, anything else happening to him, he imagined the boy under him, face red and hair a mess, skin covered in sweat. The younger bit him again and shivered all over, a loud groan escaping his lips as he came, a hand pulling at his hair.

"God, that was-" 

"Yeah, it was" the boy nodded "wanna take this somewhere else?"

"You mean-"

"_ IM CHANGKYUN I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES TO MAKE YOURSELF DECENT, WE'RE GOING HOME, I'LL BE OUTSIDE" _Kihyun's voice commanded and left as quickly as he entered.

"Guess you have to go, then?"

"I'm the guy's place for the night, probably, was already his ride"

"_ Oh _" Hoseok nodded "Hey, uh… I've never done this before, you know?"

"You never have gotten a blow job before?" the boy joked "I'm kidding. What you hadn't done before?"

"One night...one night anything, really"

"Sure you haven't" he chuckled walking out the stool after they got dressed.

"Can I see you again?"

"Sorry, hyung, I don't do serious stuff"

"Oh"

"We could finish this other time, maybe"

"I feel like there's a _ but _ somewhere"

"But it'd be a one time only, I don't do relationships"

***

_ 5:07 _

"So, what happened to your girl, hyung?"

"Her friend got wasted and puked over herself, she took her home"

"Gross and embarrassing, poor girls" Changkyun laughed

"Still got her number, tho"

"Hyung, c' mon, that sounds so desperate!"

"You brat, she was actually super cute, and I actually wanna see her again. Hopefully, after a date we'll finish what we couldn't today"

"All of that for a fuck? Damn, the struggles of the het life"

After punching Kihyun on the shoulder, he got his jacket from wardrobe and zip it all the way up, the night was chilly and the wind bit at their skin, looking to his side, he spotted Changkyun hailing a cab a giving the drives instructions, before walking away, car keys in hand.

"What were you doing?"

"Just gave the guy some instructions, that's all"

"You secured your bathroom hook a ride back home, didn't you?"

"...no"

"I swear, Kyun, you keep complaining about how people can't seem to understand what casual mean but you pull the nice guy card, of course, they'll get the wrong image of you, you seem so.."

"Seem so what?"

"Boyfriend"

"Are you finally having your gay awakening, hyung? 'Cause, if so, I'm really sorry, but I don't see you that-ow, stop hitting me!"

"Shut up, it didn't even hurt"

"I'll have you know I told the guy I was someone's ride, meaning I implicitly told him I have a car, but never offered to take him home, that can't be very boyfriend of me"

"Come again?"

"That's what he-STOP HITTING ME, I'M DRIVING!"

"So what, you apologized for not riding his dick tonight or something?"

"Nah, that's ridiculous, can we please stop talking about this? Because now that I think about it, he seemed past tipsy, and since he was dressed like a fuckboy-"

"Which is very much your type, broad back and-"

"He was probably a het, like you"

"This is heterophobia"


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come over  
Or I'll go to your place  
Your choice, I don't mind either way"

_ Feeling the younger boy's hands roaming over his torso, Hoseok wanted more, more contact, more minutes with the boy, more nights to come, more of the addictive sounds the boy let out making him delirious. _

_ In the misty space of the dancefloor, their hips moved in synch, it was almost painful not to be able to take the boy right then and there, but no, that was a private show, meant only for two. _

_ The younger ran his tongue over Hoseok's mouth, licking and tasting every corner he could find, a groan scaping him from time to time. Their crotches rubbed together, and the smoke, and club lights made Hoseok almost as dizzy and Changkyun. _

_ Changkyun, with his pretty lips wrapped around the older male's dick, bobbing his head slowly and then fast, so much friction was almost burning Hoseok's skin, Changkyun with his deep voice moaning here and there, sending a buzzing feeling all over his body from the vibrations. _

_ Changkyun, beautiful, beautiful Changkyun, with his high nose burying on the hairs at the base of Hoseok's cock. _

_ Changkyun, with his deep, dark eyes looking up to him, managing a smirk after letting go of the cock in his mouth with a pretty pop sound. _

_ Changkyun,with his skilled, sinful tongue from base to top twice, thrice, four, seven times, a new type of lollipop, leaving a playful bite over Hoseok's inner thigh. _

_ Changkyun, with his pretty hands gripping tightly Hoseok's shoulder, leaving nice, crescent shaped finger marks on the skin. _

_ "Your such a good boy, hyung" _

_ Changkyun, with his pretty mouth biting his neck, not able to help himself, leaving a recordatory so Hoseok could be certain it wasn't an alcohol induced fantasy. _

_ "Hyung, wake up" _

_ 12:40 _

With a loud groan, Hoseok realizes he was dreaming, again.

The fifth week in a row and he keeps reliving that night at the club, it was bad enough Hyungwon had actually seen him making out with the younger boy, he had teased through text that night, and kept annoying him whenever he could, insisting they should just ask Minhyuk or Jooheon for the guy's number.

The thing was, the boy had very clearly said he didn't do relationships, so might as well hook up with any other stranger, if it was going to be a one time only situation.

With a loud meow Bomi let him know she was hungry, him having overslept was clearly an affront against her feline majesty, Yeoreum agreeing, if her own meowing, too, was any indication.

**Wonnie[11:36]**

_ Hyung u up? _

**Me[12:53]**

_ I am now, what's up? _

**Wonnie[12:53]**

_ Thank god i wasnt being kidnapped id be dead thank u good to know i can count on you to rescue me _

_ Nvm u free today? _

_ Kinda need two favors _

**Me [12:54]**

_ I'm not pretending to be your boyfriend again, learn to turn down nicely venue owners _

**Wonnie [13:01]**

_ THATS NOT IT AND IT WAS ONE TIME _

_ I'd ask hyunwoo hyung if that was the case u cant act _

**Me [13:01]**

_ You still love me, hun _

_ <3 _

_ What kind of favor you need? _

**Wonnie [13:07]**

_ Lmao it isnt really a favor _

_ I gotta pick up a new plug for my dj table at the mall _

_ Wanna hang out? _

_ Theres a new coffee shop Min has been going on about but hes on a date with jooheon today _

**Me [13:08]**

_ LOL you dumbass _

_ Meet you at the mall in 20? _

**Wonnie [13:11]**

_ Sure see ya _

Hopping on the shower after feeding his babies, petting their furs and making sure he scratched behind their ears real good, Hoseok felt the water cascading down his neck, shoulder, and back, his mind wandering to the dream over and over again, the scent of body lotion surrounding him did nothing to keep him in the now, his thoughts going over and over and over and over about the way the boy had kissed him, the way he pulled him by the collar of his shirt and pushed against the wall, oh, how he wants to do the same, he wants to grab the boy by the legs and kiss him again, feel those legs around his waist and crush him against the wall of his living room, the wall of his kitchen, against the hallway, against the wall on his room and kiss his neck, bite him the same way the boy he had bit him.

His cock demanded attention, not even the water gone cold could stop him from getting hard, his mind going in circles, he took his dick and pumped it a few times, relishing in the sensation, thinking, picturing it was the boy. Oh, how his nice, wet mouth had left him dry, it was too much, but had also left him wanting more. He craved more, so he pumped faster, a broken moan leaving him, faster, faster, he imagined how it would feel to have the boy under him coming undone, how much he could moan, he could groan, he could scratch him more, how he could call him again, and oh, hyung, hyung, yes, right there, hyung, fuck, yes, you feel so good, fill me up so good, and he would feel so tight, so hot, it'd be so good, so good, hyung, please, faster, more, more, more, please, hyung, yes, so good, you're so good, such a good boy, more, please, hyung, harder, hyung, hyung, hyunghyunghyung, and oh, fuck-

"Changkyun-ah, fuck!" screamed Hoseok as he released himself, coating his hand of white, his body on fire, but spent nice and good, sadly he'd have to shower again.

  


***

**Sir Nags-a-lot[14:34]**

_ I'm coming over, be decent _

**Me[14:36]**

_ what if i had company tho _

**Sir Nags-a-lot[14:37]**

_ But you don't, you ass _

**Me[14:42]**

_ hyung pls be more respectful of my ass is my best asset _

**Sir Nags-a-lot[14:44]**

_ How the fuck do you have an IQ of 148 if you're such an idiot? _

**Me[14:51]**

_ it woulndt be fair for the world if i was 100% perfect hyung _

_ but ill have u know my humor is also one of my greatest features _

***

Opening the door, Changkyun took the plastic bags from Kihyun, noticing the bigger one had cans of beer inside, the other one smelling of fried chicken, making his mouth water and his stomach grumble with hunger.

"You didn't say we were celebrating, hyung"

"We're not, she dumped me, so"

"_ Oh _"

"So, since Min is out with Jooheon being all lovey-dovey, and happy in their ridiculously perfect relationship, it would kinda ruin the mood if I were to them to rant about the fiasco my love life is"

Taking a bite and almost moaning at the taste, Changkyun tried to focus on what his friend had just said. He knew very well that since Jooheon and Minhyuk became a thing, the latter just as part of their group as Jooheon, Kihyun was feeling the withdrawal symptoms of a friend not being as present as they used to, the honeymoon phase of the relationship still strong.

"This isn't really about your thing with Eunmi, hyung, spit it out"

Taking a long sip of his beer, Kihyun lowers his head, a sigh escaping his lips. "I hate this, you know, feeling so fucking selfish. I miss being the three of us, Honey, you, and me, I love how happy Minhyuk makes him, and I genuinely like the fucker, but we barely hang out anymore, they're always busy going out places where we'd stand out like a sore thumb, because it's couple-only places, and the fact that it feels as if we were just supporting roles in their movie sucks, makes me feel replaceable, like I'm just so easy to forget. Like with every single person I know. They come and go, come and go, and no one stays, and I'm an idiot who thinks I'll eventually meet someone and I'll be as sappy, and gross, and disgustingly cute as Joo and Min. I met her at a fucking club, what was I even expecting of that? Of course we wouldn't last for shit! No meaningful anything can be born from a hook up at some party"

"Amen to that, relationships suck"

"No, you fucktard, how temporary everything is fucking sucks"

"Hyung, everything is temporary, c'mon, the second I say _ ey, yo, this is present _ it becomes past, it already happened, a second ago, everything is fucking temporary"

"Don't go all existential on me, you brat, you know what I mean"

"Yeah, but my point still stands: everything is temporary, so just enjoy what you currently have instead of worrying about an imaginary reality. You're twenty-six, no one says you have to be married, be a father, and own a house by thirty" he said before proceeding to burp the gas from the beer "And whoever do believes in that, is probably an homophobic illiterate twat with the cognitive, and emotional skills of a rotten zucchini"

"I'm feeling stuffy, let's go out for a walk"

***

_ 18:45 _

Walking by the park, Hoseok and Hyungwon enjoyed the autumn breeze of early may, the golden leaves cracking under their feet, making up for the lack of conversation, a comfortable silence between them.

Growing up, it had been always Hyungwon and Minhyuk, Minhyuk and Hyungwon, Hoseok met Hyungwon because of Minhyuk, who was the ever sunshine, friendly and kind to everyone, quite a change for Hoseok, whose kind-hearted nature had more than once, deemed him weak, too soft, too nice, too forgiving. He had hated that part of himself at some point, wished his first reaction when someone hurt him wasn't to cry or feeling down, but giving them the middle finger and then a big fuck you, no regrets when he eventually walked away, but that wasn't him, he was the everybody-deserves-a-second-chance guy, the maybe-they-didn't-mean-it guy, the it-wasn't-their-intention guy. He got wiser, yes, he had grown up, that doesn't mean his kind heart became rock solid, ice-cold, not at all, he kept being too soft, too nice, and maybe too forgiving, but he didn't let it hurt him anymore. Just because he was able to find a rainbow in the middle of the monsoon, didn't mean others could too. And that was okay.

Hyunwoo was their last addition to their little group of four, Hoseok met him during his college days, and while he met Minhyuk first, it was a weird connection with Hyunwoo. So clear and easy going they kept joking they were probably brothers in another life.

Gentle giant Hyunwoo, with his patient demeanour, easy-going approach to most things, calm attitude that could rival a monk, was one of the most oblivious men on Earth. Hyungwon's bleeding heart was so painfully obvious, and so out in the open, only someone as detached from the vain woes of daily life like Hyunwoo could remain ignorant to that and not without a bad intention.

"I think you should just tell him already" Hoseok blurted out.

"What is that brain fart about?"

"Hyunwoo. I think you should confess"

Hyungwon hummed and opened his mouth to say something, but closed immediately and smirked "Maybe"

"Come again? Why are you not saying no like always?"

"I prefer to say 'pardon me' instead of 'come again' because it sounds less kinky" the taller boy added looking in front of him.

"What are you planning, you little shit"

"Oh, nothing, hyung, don't worry, I'm in my best behaviour"

Walking a few steps, Hoseok followed the direction of his friend's eyes and it dawned on him: it was _ the boy. _

"Hey!" greeted Hyungwon "You're Jooheon's friends!"

The boy cocked his head in acknowledgement "Whaddup, H.One"

"Oh, hi, guys" said the other male whose name Hoseok couldn't remember.

"hi-lo-there" Hoseok mumbled "Hey, hi, I mean, hello there, hi, yes"

"He is usually more eloquent than this, I swear" deadpanned Hyungwon.

"What were you guys up to?" the other male asked "this dumbass here was walking me to the train station"

"Oh, nothing, we were hanging out but ran out of things to do, right, hyung?"

"Yup"

Looking at the boy in front of him, Hoseok noticed little things he hadn't under the heavy club lights, like the little acne scars on the boy's cheeks, oddly pretty, adding character to the face, the way the hair fell softly on the forehead,in stark contrast to the way he had pushed back that night at the club, his clothes, however equally as dark as his clubbing outfit, were absolutely different, from the worn out sneakers, to the hoodie two sizes too big, to the black _ oh god _ ripped jeans, _ tight, so tight. _

"Hoseok?" Hyungwon called out.

"Hmm?"

"He lives!" the tall boy teased "Kihyun was just saying we all could hang out, and since I agree that we might as well, since the love birds are going to announce their wedding any day now-"

"Same sex marriage is illegal in Korea, though" intervened Changkyun

"Anyways, phone numbers, we're exchanging 'em"

"Oh"

"Your phone, Hoseok"

"_ Right _"

***

_ 3:01 _

**Hoseok hyung[3:01]**

_ Hey _

_ Are you awake? _

_ Nvm _

_ Ofc you're not awake _

_ It's really late, ignore me when you see this tomorrow pls _

Chuckling, Changkyun had the temptation of leaving the older guy on read, only to reply twenty to forty minutes later, just because he can.

**Me[3:04]**

_ sup _

**Thicc hyung[3:06]**

_ Oh, hi, how are you? _

**Me[3:07]**

_ just chillin u? _

_ why r u up so late lol _

_ i can see the dots i know ur typing smthing _

**Thicc hyung[3:19]**

_ Please, don't think I'm some type of freak _

_ An obsessed guy or something like that _

_ But I just _

_ Shit _

_ I keep remembering that night back at the club _

_ I remember you, remember us on that stool _

_ I can't stop thinking about it _

_ No _

_ I can't stop thinking about you _

**Me[3:21]**

_ i was really ur gay awakening huh lmao _

_ good to know u werent actually drunk _

**Thicc hyung[3:22]**

_ Gay awakening? Hahahaha had that at twelve _

_ I'm very much bi, thank you very much _

**Me[3:24]**

_ good _

**Thicc hyung[3:24]**

_ I wanna see you, Changkyun _

_ I know it'sfucking late _

_ But _

_ We really do live close, you know _

**Me[3:25]**

_ lmao _

_ ye _

_ like four blocks i think? _

_ what do u suggest? _

**Thicc hyung[3:27]**

_ Come over _

_ Or I'll go to your place _

_ Your choice, I don't mind either way _

**Me[3:29]**

_ now?? _

**Thicc hyung[3:29]**

_ Unless you don't want to _

"The hell I don't want to" mumbled Changkyun "fucker is using my words, I can't believe it" he chuckled, nodding.

**Me[3:31]**

_ [location sent] _

_ don't make me wait hyung that's bad etiquette _

_ apt 1003 _

***

_ 3:46 _

Upon opening the door, fresh from the shower Changkyun found himself slammed against said door, a pair of lips on top of his, body flush against his own, Hoseok attacked his mouth in the most delicious ways, tongue poking at his lower lip, Changkyun granted access and let out a moan, that sounded ten times louder than it did back in the bathroom at the club. Hoseok's tongue danced with his, lips devouring him like a starving wolf and taking his sanity and breath away.

Pulling for air, Changkyun broke the kiss, looking at the older man into the eyes before giving him a brief once over: still wearing his sneakers, the older male was clad in grey sweatpants and a white hoodie, hair fluffy mess atop his head, like he couldn't bother to even put on a cap before going out. Face red, and breathless, Hoseok was panting, Changkyun noticed how prominent the outline of the older's cock was on his sweatpants.

"C'mere" the younger mumbled before closing the distance and kissing the older male again, who downright crushed him against the door.

Using one of his legs, Hoseok put his leg between Changkyun's at the same time he removed his shoes, not a minute later scooping him and having the boy put his legs around his waist, making the both of them let out a groan, the friction becoming a delicious torture.

"Hyung, be nice, and take me to the bedroom"

Hoseok pushed Changkyun harder into the wall, his erection poking at the younger's ass teasingly, before pulling back to look where to walk to.

Dropping the boy onto the mattress, Hoseok crawled on top of Changkyun and kissed him again, this time going in a line straight for the boy's neck, he left open mouth kisses on his pulse point, under his ear, on the base of his throat, his jawline, down the column of his throat again, and nibbled softly with his teeth.

Changkyun sat up and tugged at hoseok's hoodie "off with this, hyung" and turned them around, straddling the older, making a point to give him a show of taking off his shirt, throwing it who knows where.

Hoseok sat up, surrounding Changkyun with his arms, kissed his collarbones, his sternum, his nipples, toyed with them, went lower and mouthed at Changkyung's bottoms.

"So good, hyung, so good" the boy said, voice deeper by the minute "On your back, hyung" he added, pushing the older with one hand. Taking off his bottoms, he also removed Hoseok's, whose cock sprung free, all red, pulsating already "such a pretty cock, so thick" he added licking from base to tip, curling his tongue a few times.

"I'm gonna sit on your face and you're gonna eat me real good, hyung, fuck me with that tongue of yours and loose me up, alright? I've prepped, but you're gonna eat me out like there's no tomorrow"

Climbing up and turning around all on fours, gifting Hoseok quite the image, Changkyun straddled the broad chest, felt the hard nipples under his thighs, tugging the cock in his hands, he felt a tongue resting flat against his butthole "yes, just like that, hyung, you're doing it perfectly"

Arching his back, Changkyun wrapped his lips around Hoseok's dick, covering as much as he could with his mouth, bobbing his head slowly, covering the rest with his hand.

Hoseok moaned, which urged the boy to go deeper, as deep as he could, he hollowed his cheeks, sucking harshly, he felt the older shivering slightly, resuming a faster tempo. He hummed, and Hoseok jerked, cock twitching, too.

"Nah-ah-ah, no coming before I say so, hyung" smirked Changkyun as he crawled back to straddle one of Hoseok's legs "Such nice thighs, hyungs" he rolled his hips "feels so nice, can you flex your muscles for me while I-oh, that's right" he kept rolling his hips "kiss me"

Rolling his hips torturously slow, he leaned forward, making the older lean back, until he reached his night stand, from where he pulled out lube and condoms.

"Now, hyung, you're gonna use those nice fingers of yours and you're gonna fuck me with them till I say so" he whispered, the black-haired nodded against his lips.

He turned around once more, pushing his ass up and _ wiggled, fucking wiggled _, moved his butt from side to side, until he felt a sharp slap, he stood still and soon enough one lube coated finger was prodding at his hole, it entered him easily, so the older male added two, and Changkyun moaned, pushing his hips back to meet the fingers scissoring him open. He leaned onto his elbows when a third and then fourth finger fuck him open.

"Good, hyung, so fucking good, go faster, I like it rough, give me-_ oh, fuck, hyung _" he mewled "give me your cock, hyung, fuck me good, give it to me" he commanded, the older obeyed, and they moaned in unison.

"So fucking tight, baby" Hoseok groaned.

"Fuck me up, hyung" ordered Changkyun looking over his shoulder.

Slowly pulling out almost completely, Hoseok slammed his dick onto Changkyun hard, the younger moaned and demanded more, his back arching prettily, the closeness allowed Hoseok to put one of his arms around the boy's torso, so he kissed his neck, bit him, kissed him again.

"Remember that view, hyung, look how well you're filling me"

Hoseok's hands came to rest on the boy's hips, as he rammed into him, slow when pulling out, hard coming back in.

Setting up a rhythm, Hoseok kept thrusting into Changkyun as hard as he could, the younger moaning loud enough to be heard from the neighbor's apartment most likely.

"Stop" Changkyun ordered "lay down, I'm gonna ride you"

Hoseok almost came from the notion itself, but obeyed nonetheless.

Guiding the older's cock to his entrance, the boy sank down slowly, head rolling back in ecstasy.

"Hnng, hyung, you fill me up so well, so good, your dick is perfect for me, so damn good"

Supporting himself on Hoseok's pectorals, Changkyun started to roll his hips again, feeling so full, so fucked out, but he wanted more.

Bending his legs, pushing through his heels, Hoseok met with his thrust Changkyun's rhythm, the boy the perfect image of was Lust looked like, sweat dripping on his brow, he looked mesmerizing, hair a mess, neck flushed red, panting heavily and open so good, he felt so good, too, the heat surrounding him was absolutely perfect, the could _ feel _ every time he hit spot on that little bundle of nerves inside the boy, he loved it, he loved how the was riding him, he could see his blissfully fucked out face, every time he bit his lip or burrowed his eyebrows, every hiss he let out, every choked out moan, every groan, everything the boy did was hypnotizing.

Sitting up, he held the boy closer to him, chest to chest, barely an inch between them, and thrust hard, the hardest thrust of the night, and the boy mewled, throwing his head back, exposing his neck for Hoseok to assault, whimpered loudly, his release fast anticipating, he mewled again, his nails scratching the older's back "fuck, hyung, yes, hard, yes, like that, so good, so good, so fucking good, hyung, you're so good, such a good boy, fuck me up, yes, like this, _ god hyung more yes oh my hnng I'm shit Hoseok I'mhnng shit come for me Hoseok, give it to me, fuck, oh, Hoseok, I'm-aahhh" _

Riding out his orgasm, and abusing the boy's hole, and oversensitivity, Hoseok came hard, he couldn't even remember the last time he came this hard.

Breathing hard, Changkyun collapsed onto the older male, his body sore, spent, sensitive, and feeling so fucking good.

He felt tired, his eyes rapidly closing, he felt the older male holding him close, trying to catch his breath, too.

"_ Damn _"

"Agreed"

His alarm clock marked 8:18, no wonder it was so clear already, but he felt _ so tired _, he needed to sleep.

"Hey, we have to clean up, don't fall asleep yet" Hoseok said.

"Don't wanna. Sleep. M'tired"

Shaking his head at the younger sudden cute side, he got up and headed to what he assumed was the bathroom to fetch a towel to wet and clean the boy a little before sleeping.

After cleaning himself from any cum residue, he covered himself and the boy, ready to doze off.

"Round two when we wake up?" he jokingly asked, not really expecting an answer.

"Sure"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up on [twt](https://twitter.com/caffeinemeerkat) and let's be weird together


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the night progressed, so did the drinks, eventually so did the infamous Song Gunhee's Grandma's Upgraded Chocolate Fudge Magical Brownies Recipe, Patent Pending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oopsie

_ 0:26 _

The music was so loud, Changkyun felt the bass thump bouncing off the bathtub as he showered, echoing in his ribcage, and his voice singing back to him as the bathroom tiles gave him the perfect acoustic for the best, absolute fucking perfect shower concert.

_ "What the fuck, man, why are you playing Lyin Is The Most Fun for the whole building, you emo!" _ Jooheon called from the other side of the door

"Because Panic! At The Disco fucking slaps!" Changkyun replied running his towel over his head as he opened the door "And you're just as emo as I am because you recognized the song"

"Whatev-why do you always walk around naked, man?" Jooheon whined "and hurry the fuck up, if you make me late, Minhyuk is gonna get my ass"

"That's what he said"

_ "Changkyun" _

***

_ 0:56 _

Arriving at the apartment, both boys were greeted by the noise of more than one conversation going on, videogames on the tv, and is_ that the radio, too? _

After entering the code and opening the door, the smell of chocolate-y baked goods also welcomed them, and a little bit of the earthy, smokey smell of not-tobacco, too.

"Baaaaaaaaaabe" Minhyuk whines

"My fault, hyung, not Heony's"

After a (probably harder than necessary) spank to the youngest's butt, Minhyuk grabbed his boyfriend and walked happily to the couch.

"Guys, the brownies are cooling down, they came out perf", Gunhee said drying his hands on a mustard-colored cloth.

While Kihyun was kicking Hyungwon's ass on Mario Kart, the happy couple snuggle closer on the couch, meanwhile Hyunwoo nursed a beer on the corner, conversing about who-knows-what with Hoseok, who was wearing a grey hoodie and sweatpants.

"Mother fucker is wearing _ that _ again, I hate him" Changkyun muttered.

"Hate is a harsh word, man" Gunhee joked "How you've been, asshole?"

"Never been better, bitch, fucking love Halloween. How was Shanghai?"

"Sweet" the other boy smiled wickedly

"Those poor girls," the younger said shaking his head.

"Hey, I didn't even say anything"

"As if you had to"

"Hey, resident whores, are you playing?" Kihyun called out "I'm done with Hyungwon's ass"

_ "That's he said" _

_ "Was it good, hyung?" _ Gunhee joked, getting a high five from Changkyun.

As the night progressed, so did the drinks, eventually so did the infamous Song Gunhee's Grandma's Upgraded Chocolate Fudge Magical Brownies Recipe, Patent Pending.

***

_ 03:41 _

"What are you doing by yourself on the corner, you little weirdo?" 

"Analyzing substance-induced behavioral patterns, hyung, it's for science" replied Changkyun taking a sip of his beer.

Hyungwon side-eyed him "You're mentally making fun of our drunk asses, aren't you?"

"It's a science, it's _ Psyche-hyung-ology _"

"That's made up, and it makes no sense" deadpanned the taller boy

"Just like any other science when newly founded, yes"

"_ Brat _"

"_ Also, yes _"

"I'll ignore that because a heads up: I'm gonna introduce Kihyun this coworker of mine, she's got here as an exchange student, her name is Katie"

"When?"

"For his birthday, apparently everyone in here met their soulmate for his birthday, so yeah, it's kind of tradition, isn't it?"

"Tradition my balls"

"Didn't Hoseok met you on his birthday?"

"The fuck are you talking about"

"Never mind, it's tradition anyways"

"A tradition: make sure the birthday boy can get some ass"

"Changkyun, _ no _"

They fall into a comfortable silence, and Changkyun notices that with Hyungwon, just like with Gunhee and Minhyuk, had he met them in college, like with Kihyun, or during the weird-ass summer before graduating high school, like when he met Jooheon, they would've become easily best friends, more likely partners in crime for his shenanigans with Gun, or gamer bros with Hyungwon, Minhyuk, too.

He looks at the taller boy's side profile and agrees to the collective opinion the guy is handsome, and maybe during his high school days he would've felt self-conscious standing next to him, he would've said he wasn't tall enough, he had too much acne on his face, his croaky voice was funny, he walked hunching his back and that wasn't attractive (or healthy, as his dad reminded him), he was awkward at first, too odd later.

Had he met him during his senior year of college, after his awkward period was over, he was out and proud, thank you very fucking much, and no longer wasting his time chasing some idiot who used him to experiment when he was also figuring himself out, after he got over the whole fiasco it turned out to be the cute boyfriend he got for himself, who just cheated on him when thing's got rough when they had to go long distance because of their internships, it would have been all different, maybe. It was quite the rocky road, Changkyun thought, but had he met the boy during those days, he might have had a crush on him, he thought, or maybe not, because the boy was handsome, yes, but he wasn't really his type, a strong buffy dude, as Kihyun insists, so no, maybe not, he wouldn't have crushed on the boy, maybe he would've crushed instead on Gun, who seemed much more sturdy, stronger in a way he could probably pick him like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder and toss him on the bed the same way you do with toddlers, but he probably wouldn't, the guy is too lazy for that, he's funny, yes, has a handsome face with strong features, he works out, yes, but his couch potato nature overpowers him.

He looks at the guy, and the stoned face he makes when they make eye contact makes Changkyun snort, and he decides that no, they're too similar in their headassery to crush on the black haired boy.

His eyes avert to Hoseok, who's munching on some pizza-flavored Doritos lazily, he's blinking slowly, like he's fighting sleep, but failing at it, and he looks so soft, so cuddly in his grey hoodie he doesn't really fit with the scene next to him: empty beer bottles, and beer cans, a few other empty whiskey, and vodka bottles, a few energy drinks, still unopened, and then he yawns and it shouldn't look so endearing, Changkyun mentally complains, and when Hoseok reaches for the nearest can of Monster, almost knocking it on the process, his facial expressions are so cute Changkyun can't suppress a giggle.

"Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer" Hyungwon teases

"Huh?"

"Hoseok, I meant"

"_ Oh, _" Changkyun eloquently said before nodding slowly, fidgeting with the sticker on his bottle.

"We know you guys are fucking, by the way"

Trying not to choke on his drink, Changkyun's head snaps to Hyungwon, who has a smug grin set firmly in place.

"Who is _ we _?"

"Min, Kihyun, Jooheon, and I"

"Basically everyone but Hyunwoo hyung"

"Yup"

"Fuck"

"Him. That you do"

"How did you guys-"

"Oh, it's hilarious, really. Min was on Hoseok's phone when a text dropped, alright" started Hyungwon trying hard to contain his laughter "And, like, there's a whole ass dick pic, right, and the funniest thing was Jooheon saying right away, like not missing a beat 'oh, that's Changkyunnie', and, _ oh, God, _Minhyuk says 'oh, you're right', and like, they start zooming in, I swear"

"I need a drink"

"But you have a beer, and you've had like six brownies, I'm not sure those have kicked in yet"

"Need something stronger"

***

_ 04:11 _

Pleasantly fucked out of his mind, Changkyun sat on the balcony, looking at the city light of a sleeping Seoul, this part of the city was silently resting through the night, lord forbid this youth (with their loud music, crazy lip colors, crazy hair color, and crazier attitude) taint the tranquility of a good night's rest. God forbid, oh no, their lack of manners, no respect for elders, traditions, and no regard for the values of society whatsoever. God forbid those playing house saw the gay, conflicted mess Changkyun was less than an hour ago.

"Fuck 'em" he muttered, back against the glass of the window.

"Fuck who," asked Hoseok sitting on the floor, his shoulders bumping Changkyun's

"Society's standards"

"Agree"

Sitting right next to each other, none of them uttered a word, the eventual car passing by the only sound from that side of the window.

Inside the apartment, Kihyun was soundly asleep, the alcohol knocked him out hours ago, which rendered him Minhyuk's personal doodle sketchbook, consisting of hamsters, a few whales, a bee _ because Jooheon is the cutest, Gunhee, and fuck you, that's why _ , a smiling dick here and there, and _ "HET" _ on big letters on his forehead, with _ "but still lovable" _ in tiny letters right on top of his brow line, his forearm had lots of hearts and _ "if found, please return to hell (where he crawled out of) _"

Hyunwoo was asleep, too, but (safely) tucked in his bed, oblivious to the boy sitting by the window sill with a now warm beer in his hand, smiling like a fool, and a happy feeling on his belly. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, jump around and basically act like the fool in love he was. Some conversations were held, in part due to liquid courage and in part to both Minhyuk and Hoseok's insistence, and some confessions were made, albeit a bit clumsily.

In true Hyungwon fashion, despite the giddiness, he felt rather bummed out by the fact he never managed a confession that included a cute, romantic gesture, one that could easily rival a novel character's grand gesture. But he confessed, he did, and hell, if he didn't orchestrate a cute, romantic gesture now, he'd be damned if he didn't make every fucking anniversary the best magical thing for Hyunwoo. Well. When they started officially dating, that is. For now, he'd take his hyung on the best first date he has ever been to. Ever.

***

_ 04:56 _

"...it's called acrophobia, fear of heights"

"I think you're just scared to be let down, hyung, get it? Down? Because falling? Falling down? Damn, that's a good one, you're no fun" Changkyun shook his head "...but what I mean is, I think your phobia is more related to this: if you're scared of heights, it's actually because you're scared of falling, which either means someone pushed you, hence you're falling, or you're actually scared of the chance there's no one there to catch you when you fall. So, hyung, you're scared of trusting people, and them hurting you as in betraying you, or them hurting you by abandoning you."

"Makes sense"

"Of course it makes sense, I'm a genius, in case you didn't know, Einstein wants what I have"

"Alright, Einstein-"

"Not Einstein, better than Einstein"

"Then what about being scared of the dark, or ghosts, or, I don't know, spiders?"

"Pffft, that's eaaaasy, c' mon, hyung" the boy said slapping Hoseok's thigh "Alright, the dark: the unknown, things we can't control, so not being in control, basically, being at someone or something else's mercy, in short: feeling weak. Now, ghost… Uuhhh, those happen when there's unfinished business, right? Or when a soul can't move on, or some shit like that, right? I think, being scared of ghosts is actually being scared of being forgotten, like people moving on, moving forward with their lives and you lose contact with them, you no longer talk, you go all Gotye and now you're just somebody that I used to know, until you're not even that, you're not even a faint memory, they forget you and move on"

"What about spiders"

"The hell if I know, hyung"

"Are you high?"

"No, I'm not"

"Changkyun, _ are you high _?"

"I'm peachy, really"

"You're cute when you're high"

"I'm baked as a cake, but also drunk, I'll have you know," the boy said and dusted off his pants after standing back up "I should probably go home, Kihyun hyung stole the couch from me"

"Let me walk you home"

"No, thanks, hyung, I'll be fine"

"It's five in the morning, Changkyun"

"It's just…"

"I don't mind, really"

"I do, hyung"

"Why? It's just me"

"It's _ too domestic _, hyung"

"And?"

"This" Changkyun says, pointing his finger back and forth between the two of them "Hyung, this is just a sex thing"

"I know, it's just-"

"Do you? So if I said that, since we never agreed on being exclusive, that I have also been sleeping with other people, you wouldn't be mad?"

Hoseok falls silent, face serious and Changkyun wants to take it back, make his hyung smile like a kid again, not have him do that upset face, make the frown disappear, but he knows that it'd be cruel, weak even from him, because that's not what they agreed on, not at all, so he tries to say goodbye and goodnight, taking a step to walk past his hyung, but Hoseok takes his forearm and spins him around fast, pinning him against the wall on the balcony. Changyun feels electricity the moment the older crashes his lips against his, but also exposed not in a pleasant way, exposed in a way that he knows his friends could walk on them any minute, they already know and he has yet to come to terms with that.

Hoseok kisses him, so hard he knows he'll have puffy, red lips afterward. His pants feel uncomfortably tight, and he doesn't know if it's the weed from the brownies of it's the effect Hoseok has on him, but he can't really formulate many sentences in his head, and when a moan escapes him, Hoseok pulls back, breathing ragged.

"Alright, big boy, let's go home"

***

_ 07:18 _

The hands roaming on his body left a burning trace in every inch the reached. His back arched and chest exposed, Changkyun presented himself like the most tempting yet the most beautiful vision Hoseok had ever seen. But it hurt. Not in the way it hurt his skin the rough contact of the carpet, no. Knowing he could touch but couldn't really get a hold of, it hurt. So he made it hurt, but it hurt real good. Even if he had wanted to, he could never bring himself to inflict pain upon the boy. Not if it wasn't laced with pleasure. So he made it hurt, but it hurt real good, so good.

"That's it, baby," he said after a torturous slow-paced thrust.

"_ Hyuung _" Changkyun whimpered

Body electric with overstimulation, the boy felt every nerve on his entire being going overdrive, his sense tingling loudly like a livewire.

Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, despite not being able to keep them open. His body so responsive from the pleasure onslaught, he mewled, feeling closer and closer to his breaking point, and it burned so bad, yet so, so good.

Full-on beast mode, Hoseok hit spot on his every weak point, all of them, making him _ almost _ purr

His mind was blank, his thoughts and everything he knew was filled with the man towering over him, and it was Hoseok, just Hoseok, there was no time, no moon, no stars, no sea, no sky, just HoseokHoseokhoseokhoseokhoseok.

He whimpered again. And gasped. And whimpered. And gasped. And again, and again, and he felt himself even closer.

"No, you don't cum unless I say so"

Changkyun couldn't talk, not at all, so he whined, his only protest, his body giving out and going limp briefly, before with a small change in angle, with a little bit of a change of pace and he's clawing a tthe older's back, and oh, he wanted something, he needed something, anything, he could grab onto, just so he could have a feeling he's alive, a bit of reality, because shit, he can't think, and it hurts, so, so good, he wants more, he needs more, but it's already too much, because _ shit, hyung, fuck, I can't even think right now, I want you so much, don't stop, please, don't stop _ and he can't breathe, but he's not choking, and he doesn't know whether he managed to tell his hyung he doesn't want him to stop or it's just in his head.

And he mewls again, high pitched, and then a groan, a low, low growl, he doesn't know, not for sure, if he's the one who groaned or it was Hoseok and-

"I've got you, baby" Hoseok says, and it feels like caramel dripping on his tongue when he kisses him so sweetly, so tender, but he's merciless, he's not letting the boy breathe, he's making damn sure the next morning the younger will remember everything, every little detail.

"Do they touch you like this, huh?" thrust "do they make you scream like this?" thrust, neck bite "do they have you forgetting how to breathe?" thrust, thrust, thrust "look at me" he ordered, and kissed the boy hard "does any of them know your every weak points like I do?" thrusting as hard as he could, Hoseok buried himself balls deep into the boy, who could only mewl at this point "tell me, baby, use your words"

"Hoseok, I'm about to-_ oh, fuck _"

"No, baby, you know it will always just be me," he said thrusting hard, just as hard as before, riding out his own orgasm and the boy's, knowing full well how sensitive the younger must have been.

Panting hard, Hoseok pulled out, he licked his lips, and he could absolutely taste the boy on him, but instead of the usual warmth it spread on his chest, it made his heart ache.

_ 09:42 _

"Hyung" Changkyun said, his roughed up voice barely a whisper "Hyung, look at me" he asked, but the older male didn't give in so, using the last of his strength, he poppled himself on top of the other's chest, still somewhat trying to collect his breath "I haven't been sleeping with other people"

"I feel like there's a but somewhere"

"Yeah" he agreed, nodding, he felt his eyelids heavy, but fought sleep in order to keep things as clear as he could "This… the thing-this agreement we have, the guys found out, but that's not it, hyung. The thing is: this is way too, I don't know, stable, I guess, or rather, not casual enough for me. I don't do relationships, and this is pretty much fucking up with that"

"It's been actually messing with my head, too" Hoseok admitted "I'm not usually one for meaningless affairs, really"

"What a grandpa"

"Yah"

"Keep talking, your voice is vibrating on your chest, feels nice"

"I-the point is, um, well, this nameless thing we have it's, I'm not sure 'too casual' it's the right expression for it, but yeah, it's been messing up with my head badly, I wanna hold your hand, kiss you when I see you, hug you, hold you close and play with your hair, not just pull it, I want, I don't know, talk shit with you and try to understand what the hell goes on in that head of yours, I wanna know how you ever got to the conclusion that being scared of ghosts it's actually being scared of being forgotten or left behind. Hell, I think-"

"I think we should stop, hyung"

"What?"

"We're just gonna hurt each other eventually, it's better if we stop now than later, we can be actual friends if we stop now"

"You don't mean that"

***

_ 11:23 _

Walking out of the bathroom, Hoseok noticed the boy was still asleep, he looked so peaceful, it almost made him falter and go back to bed, but he didn't, he couldn't, not when his heavy heart, once again, yearned for something he couldn't have. The boy had told him from the get-go he wasn't the relationship type, yet he dives headfirst into whatever they had.

And it hurt. Terribly so.

It hurt because he always knew what he was setting himself for, but he is naive, maybe, too idealistic, too hopeful, maybe, too attached

And probably Minhyuk or Hyungwon would try to convince him there's nothing wrong with him, but it doesn't really feel like it.

"Good morning, Changkyunnie, and goodnight, maybe, I don't know, I won't be here when you wake up" he whispered before kissing the boy's forehead and heading to the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dis [my twt,](https://ww.twitter.com/caffeinemeerkat) let's be weirdos together


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think I lost my north star, the one that could lead the way and compass the path I should follow, the one who could show me the way home"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't have a beta-reader  
it shows lmao

_ 07:18 _

Hitting the snooze button, Hoseok turned around in bed again. Wide awake already, his head going round and around like the past weeks (_ months, Hoseok _), he got up, got dressed, and headed to the gym, where he'd spend at least two hours of his morning on a good day, almost three and a half on a bad one, where memories plagued his mind not letting him function, not properly at least.

***

_ 10:06 _

The waiter came up to their table with their drinks and Changkyun felt relieved upon smelling the caffeinated drink, his late-night sessions on his computer making him sleepier than usual "Oh, the mocha is mine," he quipped.

Taking a sip to the americano he added three cubes of sugar to, Hyungwon softly jabbed the boy on the ribs "That's an insult to your majesty the bean"

"Shut up, you drink it watery"

Putting down his own cup of espresso, albeit with two sugars, Kihyun glared at them both "None of you drinks real coffee, you babies"

Both boys were just about to reply something when Kihyun's phone went off, the screen indicating _ K _ was calling

"Hey, babe...alright, gimme a sec, there, you're on speaker"

_ "Hey, kids!" _

"I'm literally a year older than you" Hyungwon muttered

"Hey, Katie"

_ "That's noona for you, bitch" _

"By a month, so nope" the boy said making a little pop sound as he pronounced 'nope'

_ "Whatever, Dany boy" _

While Kihyun spoke on the phone with his _ not-really-girlfriend-guys-chill-we're-still-getting-to-know-each-other _, Changkyun picked and played with the foam on his drink, despite feeling tired, he didn't have any appetite.

"...you should wife that woman, Ki, I'm telling you" 

Changkyun turned his head slowly to look at Hyungwon "Mr. I-don't-believe-in-marriage-it's-just-a-stupid-bussines-contract is advising someone to get married? Where's hyung and who the fuck are you, talk, now"

Hyungwon merely shrugged.

"If it were legal, hyung said he'd marry you, didn't he?" Kihyun shook his head

"And who am I to deny him?"

Changkyun and Kihyun shared glances.

"Fine! I still don't see how signing a piece of generic nonsense of a piece of paper and using a metal thingy around one of my phalanges would prove anything regarding how I feel towards him, but, fuck it, if it'll make him happy, I'm in"

"How long have you been holding that one back, huh?"

"Shut up, Kihyun"

"And I thought Minhyuk hyung is whipped"

"Now you shut up, Kyun. And stop acting all heartless, you little shit, we all know you care"

"Yeah," Kihyun added "Party animal missing every party for the whole month? Yeah, not at all subtle"

Changkyu hates it, this heavy feeling that settles in his chest whenever his friends as much as hint at his and Hoseok's sort of affair. Or, at this point, lack thereof.

And he also hates how, now that every one of his friends seems to be oh-so-happy, and oh-so-in-love left out he feels. Like, he doesn't fit in anymore, not that the guys are pushing him way or something, but he feels as if, at some point, he'll be sitting in the corner, drink untouched, while everybody laughs, but he's quiet, the scene will turn black and white, cut to him walking on the street, coat wrapped tightly around himself, a slow-mo scene, obviously, because it'd be fit to portray hs woes. He doesn't smoke, but he'd have a cigarette hanging lazily on his lips, maybe a soft blue song playing in the background. Hell, maybe Stairway To Heaven could do, the lyrics have nothing to do with his dilemma, but the melody it's nostalgic enough. Scratch that, shape Of My Heart is a much better choice, it completes the scene better.

A loud sigh escapes his lips, and he sinks lower on his chair. The waiter brings them over their food and he should really eat something, but it kind of ruins his aesthetic. But he's not dramatic, he can swear.

"...which is probably a bad idea, because you saw how awkward they were for your birthday, Won"

"Changkyun, what do you say?"

"Say to what?"

"Birthday party. Yours, in fact"

_ "Oh" _ he nods, then shakes his head "not in the mood"

Hyungwon and Kihyun exchange looks and it makes Changkyun uncomfortable "Hyungs!" he pouts "you look just like my parents when I almost had to repeat eight grade!"

"Yah! Your mom said you had straight As, but a 34% attendance!" Kihyun barks at him "You brat, we're just worried about you"

"But I'm fine, I'm okay, really"

"You're fine, yes, but you've been mopey since, like, Halloween"

"I'm fine, really"

Paying for the tab, the boys walk out the café, the cold January wind biting at their skin, making Changkyun shiver, his jacket not warm enough.

"Your fashion sense is gonna get you sick, dumbass"

"Great, then I'll have an excuse to stay home, ha-ha!" he says triumphantly, peeking his tongue out to tease his hyungs.

"I should smack you so you get your sen-OH, MY GOD!" Kihyun yells stopping dead in his tracks as the three of them witness a car almost ran over a ball of a furry something.

"Asshole!" Changkyun screams giving the driver the middle finger, the car was quite far away by now, but still. Looking down, a dog looked back at him, his fur dirty, patches with dry mud here and there, it had a floppy ear, the other standing but missing a tiny part, as if it had had a cut, but already healed.

The dog's lower jaw was protruding, making his two lower fangs visible.

Changkyun picked the dog up, checking whether it was a male or female, and he noticed the poor thing was incredibly light ad frail, clearly, the puppy had been starving, since his bones were sticking out under the skin.

"Oh, my god, look at him, poor thing" he whined pouting, the dog's state was seriously breaking his heart, he was so small, and looked so fragile "I'm gonna take him to the vet, see you guys"

"I'm coming with you," Hyungwon said before looking at his right to Kihyun, who seemed quite affected, too "We're both coming, wait!"

***

_ 12:04 _

After a surprisingly quick visit to the vet's office, the boy's plus the puppy (_ because don't care he's around seven, hyung, he's a pupper _) found themselves at Changkyun's apartment, the latest addition to the house now freshly washed and fed, roamed around curiously, sniffing here and there. By the table, right next to the leg closest to the entrance, the dog had deemed it the perfect place for taking a leak, so goodbye, security deposit, you won't be missed.

***

_ 17:08 _

"Where is he? Oh, my god, where is he?" Minhyuk squealed as he and his boyfriend walked into the apartment.

"Here he is!" sing-songed the host.

"I can't believe you adopted a dog before we did, man", Jooheon said scratching the puppy's head.

"To be honest, _ he _ kinda adopted _ me _ since last week _ " _

"Who's the gooddest? Who's the gooddest boy?" Minhyuk cooed, the puppy barked at him "Yes, you are"

"He's missing some teeth, Kyun, can he eat alright?"

"Oh, yeah, he can eat just fine, he's a tough motherfucker, my old baby"

"Anyways" said Minhyuk holding the pup comfortably in his arms, who kept biting his fingers but the male didn't seem to mind "Tomorrow's your birthday, so-"

"So I'm staying home, I have a movie date with my son, we're watching How To Train Your Dragon, I want him to understand his new life better"

"Cute. But no, we're dragging your emo ass to Hyungwon's gig at this-Stop giving me puppy eyes, they don't work anymore, my daughters have made me immune to you, and your dog can give you a run for your money"

"But hyuuuung! Don't wanna"

"Give up, man, it's not working" Jooheon said snorting softly.

Changkyun gasped, clutching his chest "_ Et tu, brute? _"

***

_ 23:20 _

"Hyung, my son probably misses me, let me go home"

"You promised you'll stay till 2, it's not even midnight" Hyungwon deadpanned "And stop clinging to my arm, you look like your ugly mutt. I love him, he's cute in his own way, stop biting me"

"Katie, tell hyung I wanna go home"

"One: it's noona for you, bitch-"

"_ By a month" _

"And two: you're not going home until we're all sure you had a good time, you've been on a slump for too long" the girls said in her no-room-for-bullshit voice as he handed the boy a mojito "On the house"

"How come I never get drinks on the house, baby?"

She shrugged "Not my fault unnie makes you pay and you give in"

"She's scary" Kihyun mumbled

"She's not"

"She is, though, one time a dude tried to flirt his way out of paying and ended up stuttering, and almost fell on his ass after she looked at him with that look of hers" Hyunwoo intervened.

"The don't-mess-with-me face? Pffft"she snorted as she wiped a glass "She looks constipated, not scary"

***

_ 01:58 _

**Gentle giant hyung [01:56]**

_ Changkyun _

_ Where r u? _

**Me[01:58]**

_ called a cab _

_ omw home rn _

_ convince wonie hyung not to kill me :c _

**Gentle giant hyung [02:02]**

_ Haha ok _

_ Let us know when u get home safe _

**Me[02:06]**

_ will do _

_ wuv u guys _

_ <3 _

*******

_ 13:56 _

Walking by the park, hands inside his pockets, Changkyun watched his dog play around with other dogs, the late february breeze making a mess of his newly dyed hair. Black suited him, he thought. Always did.

Checking his phone, he realized why he was getting hungry, he had eaten breakfast hours ago, and he should feed the puppy, too. Just as he was about to pocket his phone, he felt it buzz from a text.

**1/2 dorks [14:28]**

_ bro u home? _

_ min says we should hang out _

"Hmm, 'Sorry, bro, not in the mood' sounds kinda sad" Changkyun mumbles

**Me[14:29]**

_ srry man _

_ i'm out _

_ next tim, k? _

Looking up, a part of him rejoices at the sight and the ther part wishes he had left sooner.

Two huge ass grocery bags in each arm, Hoseok came walking down from the opposite direction, and of course, how come he didn't think of it,the park it's right in the middle point from Hoseok's apartment building and his, of fucking course he'd bump into him, and he should really go fetch his dog and make a run for his house, he really should go if he doesn't want Hoseok to see him, not make his way over the minute he sees the older man struggling a bit to walk with those gigantic bags of his.

He whistled and his dog came happily running, wiggling his tail. He hooked the loop of the leash and made his way over to Hoseok against himself (_ not really _)

"Give one to me, you'll cut off your hands like this"

"Changkyunnie"

"Give me one, c'mon"

"Uhh, it's okay, I'm almost there anyways"

"_ Hyung." _

"Okay"

***

_ 14:51 _

Putting the bags in front of Hoseok's door, Changkyun made o turn to leave, his dog was probably tired and would like a nap, so he'd probably carry him to the apartment, he also should've prepared lunch before going out, he still has to cook before eating anything, and he doesn't really feel like cooing, maybe he should've taken Min and Joo's offer to hang out, they would've order take out, it's pretty lame to eat a whole pizza on your own, like super lame, not even ice cream it's so lame to eat by yourself, and going solo to a restaurant on a sunday sounds even worse, he really should have cooked something for when he came back, or maybe gone for a walk after lunch, so he wouldn't-

"Your dog is really cute"

_ Hoseok. _

"Thanks, his name is Tiny Satan"

"But, he's so well behaved, though, why call him that?"

"On his first night, he peed by the table, chewed a hole in my bed covers that he now uses to sneak in when I'm asleep, but complains when I roll over and crush him, and used my favorite pair of vans as a chewing toy"

"Oh"

"Yeah"

"Have you eaten? Maybe, you could stay for lunch, we can catch up, or-"

"Hyung, let's not do this"

"Okay" he nods "Take care, Changkyunnie"

"Take care, hyung, say hi to your daughters for me"

***

_ 15:03 _

He didn't even bothered with putting groceries away, as soon as he closed the door all his strength leaves him, his legs give out and he's sitting, more like slumped, with his back against the door, and it hurts, so fucking much.

And he's an idiot, he is, because he fucking knew, from day one, that he and the boy had an expiration date, because he was aware of it woudln't last, he fucking knew, yet here he is, a sobbing mess, a sorry excuse of a man who breaks down after mere minutes of interaction with the boy, because he was deprived after so much radio silence from the boy, and he's a mes, because he doesn't have his shit together, no, he needs constant reassurance, he's been having trouble sleeping, so he does things to keep his minds off of this, and ends up working out twice a day, 2 hours each session, so he's so exhausted he has no choice but sleep, but he wakes up hard and needy, and he touched himself to the memory of the boy, and he feels ashamed, because he's abusng the few precious memories he has, but then again, there's billions of things he remebers about the boy, they were part of something so precious, so theirs and theirs alone, they were so good together, they could have had so much more, more than the quickie on the kitchen counter, maybe, they could've had breakfast in bed, instead of sex on the couch, rough and lust driven, they could have had the slow shower sex till the water got cold and they would cuddle afterward in bed, warming themselves up till they got hard again from just kissing, smiley kisses, sloppy kisses, hungry kisses, they could've had that, they would've been so good together, so, so good. And it hurts, because it feels so vivid, but he has to let the idea go, he shouldn't be mourning something he didn't really have, it's just his imagination, but still, it was so close to him, he could almost grasp it, but no, it never was, it's his imagination, he is daydreaming again, he's mourning his own ideas, but still. It hurts.

_ 15:21 _

He's stronger than this, he thinks. He wants to believe he is stronger than this, he needs to.

Because if he's actually as weak as he fears, he should admit he's scared, fucking terrified,he is no gentleman, he admits that, and he regrets more than he admits, but he can't be this weak, it can't be, not like this, he knows he needs to be a better man, a wiser man, because what good it is to be fucking smart if you're not wise, and he shouldn't probably be crying, he has no fucking right to, not when he was the one telling his hyung to stop whatever it is they were doing, he should not, by all means, have hot tears running down his face, the type that hurt so much you feel them buring the skin. He has no right, because he is not a good man, he made sure it's no longer there everything they had, he killed off all his chances, and maybe, if he was a better man, he wouldn't feel so guilty, because his hyung, with his bright eyer that aboslutely fucking shame the stars, and his bright smiles that are as pretty as the full moon, and his soothing voice that leaves the sound of ocean waves lacking in comparison, and hs warm embraces that could easily rival his grandma's fireplace, and his soft hands caressing his hair when he thought him fast asleep that have him thinking not even even the sound of the heavy rain falling down feels so calming, and his pretty, pretty lips that hold his favorite flavor in the whole universe, his pretty, oretty hyung. He made damn sure he pushed him so far way he could never, ever have the right to call him _ his _ hyung, and he'll never be worthy enough, oh no, not after seeing how hurt he really was, because of course his hyung smiled at him, of course he seemed genuinely happy to see him, of course, but he doesn't deserve those smiles, and if he ever did, he killed every chance.

And he doesn't get to cry about it, he doesn't get to mourn something he never had, so he should stop, because it's rich coming from him to be sad, when to push his pretty hyung away it's exactly the bed he made, so he should lie in it, so yes, he should stop his pathetic weeping because in reality he doesn't deserve-

"Changkyun?" Kihyun's startled voice brings him back, "Oh, my god, Changkyun-ah, why are you crying, are you okay, is satan okay, are you hurt?"

The boy shakes his head, he can't seem to find his voice, he's too tired for that, and his head hurts, he's been crying, yes, but he'd be damned if he didn't stop in front of Kihyun.

His nose feels stuffy, and his eyes kind of burn and feel pretty bloated, he's having a bit of a hard time breathing, like he's wearing a mask over his head, like he's being strangled, and his chest aches, his heart hurts, too, and he's trying so hard not to let more tears fall, but it feels like an impossible task, he's tired, so tired, and everything hurts, his head is pounding, his throat is sore, his eyes are burning, and he's damn tired.

Kihyun is hugging him, so tender and delicately, like he's made of glass, frail, and he kind of feels like he could break easily, and he leans into the touch, and it's warm, a familiar place, but somehow it's not warm enough, it's not soothing enough, and he feels like an ungrateful asshole, because his best friend is there for him when he's losing his shit and he's wishing it was someone else holding him against their chest.

"Changkyun-ah, you're okay, you're safe, it's okay, man, I'm here, you're alright, it's gonna be alright"

He looks up, knowing he's a mess: puffy face and bloodshot eyes, but he's not crying anymore, his breathing has evened out a little, albeit it was all out of sheer willpower, because he still feels like shit and would rather hop on the bed till he's 50.

"I...hyung, I'm-"

"You're a mess, Kyun, what is it? Are you hurt? Sick?"

"Hyung, why am I such an ass? I'm a jerk, an idiot! I hurt him, he looked so sad, I'man idiot, I'm-"

"Hey, breathe, who are you talking about, what did you do?"

"Hoseok hyung"

"Oh"

And it dawns on him again, and he feels like crying so much right now, his eyes are burning with tears and he just can't, he can't.

He shakes his head, and his puppy who has been the whole time next to him whimpers, his tiny head on top of Changkyun's thigh moving a little so he can call the boy's attention.

"I'm an asshole, Tiny Satan, you deserve a better owner" he mumbles picking the dog up, who barks back at him with a little growl, making somewhat of a displeased face "Don't look at me like that I am an asshole"

"You're not an asshole, you're emotionally constipated"

"You didn't see his face, he looked so sad"

"What? You guys met?"

"Today" he nods "At the park. I was walking Tiny at the park and he had this huge grocery bags, kinda tripped and almost fell, so I helped him take those home, he said Tiny is cute"

"This fucker cute? He's the devil! Look at him!" he coos scratching the puppy's floppy ear.

"He's the cutest, he's my son, he takes after me"

"You are cute, though"

"But I'm an ass, a total jerk"

"You're not"

Changkyun shifts in his place on the carpet, looking at his dog and fidgeting a bit with his hands "You know,even if the building didn't allow pets, I would have adopted Satan anyways...and I kinda hate to admit why"

Kihyun looks at him and he wants so desperately to now when, at what point in these past months, his best friend started to spiral downwards, he noticed the younger had been more blue lately, but he hadn't realized it reached this far.

"I think, because people are shit, the fucking worst, nobody would've adopted him because of how he looks, so after I took him to the vet, I just couldn't left him there, I couldn't abandon him, leave him like that, I just couldn't, I don't want him to feel-nevermind"

"To feel what?"

_ "Unwanted" _

"So this is about you and Hoseok, isn't?"

Changkyun nods.

"What exactly happened between the two of you?"

"I pushed him away and broke his heart before he could break mine, basically"

"But you like him, you _ like-like _him, I don't understand why would-"

"C'mon, hyung, this is Hoseok hyung we're talking about, and… well, I'm just me"

"What do you mean you're just you, you're a great guy! You're a total catch, Kyun!"

"Yeah, right. The only thing I've got going on for me is a shit ton of baggage"

"You really need to stop acting like thin, Kyun"

"Like what, hyung"

"Like your heart is one thing, your mind is another and they are at war! We all have baggage!"

The boy lowered his head, he knew his friend was right, but he still felt...lost. Like all of a sudden, there was a blindfold covering his eyes and he was supposed to walk around just fine as if he wasn't used to use his eyes his whole damn life.

"I don't know what to do, hyung, I keep fucking things up"

"That's because you go around being a walking contradiction. You take a dude home, but cook them breakfast the next morning and have shower sex, which is top three domestic shit, only to kick them out because 'it's just a one nght stand, sorry man' like it's no big deal"

"It's a shower blowjob, hyung, and-"  
"My point is: you need to decide what do you want, and go for it,you deserve to be happy, for fuck's sakes"

After a minute or two, Changkyun doesn't know whether he's more terrified but clear in his head, or more confused than ever, so he shrugs, and eventually his thoughts are not so mixed p, but a little scattered.

"I think I lost my north star, hyung" he mumbles, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, since the puppy had comfortably sat on Kihyun's lap after they moved to the couch, "Remember we had that talk over soulmates and shit after watching The Butterfly Effect?"

Kihyun nods "I'm a little surprised _ you _ remember, you were fucking high"

"I was fucking fine. Anyways, remember when we said that soulmates aren't rare? Like, you could totally have a lot of soulmates because you could have a lot of past lives? I mean, the way you love your friends and how's that a form of soulmate, right? And your first love was also a form of soulmate because they teach you a form of love you can't learn from your parents and-"

"And your parents are also a type of soulmate because even if sometimes they might hurt you, they still teach you things about this world, yes"

"I think I lost my north star, the one that could lead the way and compass the path I should follow, the one who could show me the way home"

"You need to go look for it again, then," the older one said softly as he got up from the couch, "for now, let's make dinner, it's almost seven and you probably haven't eaten the whole day, you're a mess"

***

**Minhyukkie [19:17]**

_ seokkieeeeeeee _

_ joo n i r comin over _

_ see u <3 _

**Me [19:19]**

_ Huh? _

_ What's the ocassion? _

**Minhyukkie [19:22]**

_ movie night _

_ bc y not? Lol _

_ 22:48 _

After having watched Toy Story 1 and 2, both Minhyuk and Jooheon were having trouble with staying awake, so Hoseok nudged them awake so they could take the bed, he'd sleep on the couch, he didn't mind.

"I'm awake, I'm awake" Jooheon mumbled

"Damn it, it was supposed to be us taking care of you, not the other way around, Seok"

Hoseok shrugged "It's okay, Min, I don't mind"

"But you've been pretty sulky these past months and it's your birthday next week, we can't let you be this depressed"

"I was thinking of visiting my mom, actually, so if you guys wanted to drag me clubbing-"

"Hyung!"

"What, can't I go see my mom?"

"Yah, don't get snappy"

"Let me handle this, love," said the youngest of the three, face turning serious "Hyung, be honest with me, are you still hung up on Changkyunnie?"

Hoseok sighed, he knew fully well he was, but it wasn't a conversation he wanted to have at the moment, he hadn't really talked about it with anyone, his friends not trying to pry either, but there was so much avoiding he could do before he was due an intervention, apparently.

"You're in love with him,aren't you?" the younger insisted, Hoseok nodded "Are you sure?"

"How can I not be sure about my own feelings?"

"Okay, what's his favorite color?"

"What?"

"Favorite book, then"

"What does that has anything to do with this?"

"Are you in love with him or the idea of him?"

Frowning, he looked away, his chest ached, he remembered the bright smile whenever the boy laughed and he felt the urge to see the boy again, to listen to him, to just see him, even if he couldn't touch him, hold him, he wanted to see him.

"You always do this, Seok, you meet someone, like them, imagine a whole scenario" Minhyuk said, taking one of Hoseok's hands in his "only for you to either villainize them in your head when they don't reach your expectations, or worse, idealise them when they do,but then you go from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye. Remember that guy back in freshman year? Or that girl you liked in senior year? You basically called him a player when he didn't want o go officials with you, and he wasn't even out yet! And her, she was really nice, but you felt pressured because she actually would've wanted to get married and have kids someday!"

"Okay, I'm awful and deserve to die alone, we get-DON'T SLAP ME, IT HURTS!"

"You're talking like an idiot, hyung"

"Talk shit, get hit. Anyways, my point is: you can't expect people to live up to the role you've assigned them in your life, you need to see the world as it is, not as you want it to be"

"Alright, alright, I'll get over Kyun, then leave the poor boy alone, since he wants so bad to be oh-so-free"

"Babe, stop me before I end up punching my best friend" muttered the blond male.

"Hyung, no. What Minhyukkie hyungie is trying to say it that before you declare your undying love for Changkyunnie, you should get to know him, lie _ really _ get to know him"

"Why aren't you telling me to back off?"

"Because he's my best friend, and I've never seen him as happy as he was with you, and he's fucking destroyed now that you're apart"

"But he called it off! He said we should stop! He's the one who said we should stop before we hurt each other!"

"He's also an idiot, yes. Which is why you should get to know him for real before deciding anything. I just want both of you to be happy, hyung, so don't break his heart, okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a masochist hence this word vomit  
in my defense, i was left unsupervised


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not that strong, Kyunnie, and if you keep it up, I'm not strong enough to keep myself from kissing you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'sup  
i forgot i didn't post the final chapter, this shit sat on my google drive for like two whole weeks and here i was, thinking i actually posted it

_ 19:51 _

"Of fucking course every damn light in this apartment is off and he is hiding in his bed," groaned Hyungwon as he took off his shoes.

Turning on the bedroom light, Hyunwoo chuckled as he saw his friend (or the lump on the bed he supposed it was his friends)

"Hoseok, you are so not staying in your room tonight," Hyungwon said with his hands on his hips "C'mon, get up, I have to go set up, hurry!"

"Hoseokkie, c'mon, get up," Hyunwoo said shaking the bed a little.

"Don't wanna"

"Every fucking year, I swear," the DJ mumbled "Honey, you think you can pull the covers off of him?"

Shrugging, Hyunwoo did as he was asked, revealing a very pouty and very much naked Hoseok.

"Yay." deadpanned the birthday boy earning a glare from Hyungwon and an amused grin from Hyunwoo "There goes my plan to sleep the night away"

"At least I didn't have to threaten you with calling your mom"

"That means you won't call her if I leave early?"

"Try. Me."

***

**Not-my-noona[21:58]**

_ U ready loser? We'll be there in 10 _

**Me [21:59]**

_ i'm ready _

_ i'm too young n cute to be murdered by u or hyung _

** _2/2 dorks calling_ **

_ "Changkyunnie!" _

"Hey, hyung, you there already?"

_ "Yup,"  _ Minhyuk said making the  _ P  _ pop.  _ "When you three get here tell the bouncer you're on the list. The Lee's guestlist" _

"Fancy"

_ "Of course, bitch. Make sure you look pretty tonight, yeah?" _

"Hyung, I already told you all," he groaned "I'm only staying till 2"

"Oh, no, you're not" Kihyun said as he entered the apartment. 

Putting the phone on speaker, the boy rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Min, we got him, he'll stay till last call if it's what it takes, okay? See you guys there!" Katie said as he grabbed by the back of his neck. He'd forever be amazed at how her 5"1 self could be twice as intimidating as Hyunwoo hungry.

_ "Jooheon says you can't bail tonight! See ya!" _

"Or what, he's gonna pout till I give in?" he mocked pocketing his phone.

Kihyun pointed a finger at him "Yah, you brat, we've talked about this"

"C'mon, it'll be fine, I'm spending my free night in the same place I work so I can make sure it works out, okay? We've got you back"

"...I'm still not calling you noona"

***

_ 00:34 _

A lot more drunk than he would've thought he'd be before 3 AM, he danced and danced, feeling the bass on his chest, making him lose himself in the moment, the rhythm, somehow letting his worries go? Why was he so nervous about tonight? What big talk was he supposed to do? Who was he supposed to find and talk to? His mind felty funny, he wasn't dizzy, he just forgot, like, you know, when the world looks funny, and it's pretty odd, and you just feel like laughing, but now he's sleepy, and there's Kihyun dancing with Katie right in front of him, and oh, right, he did some tequila shot with Minhyuk, yeah, so there's that, liquid courage he called it, and, oh, boy, he needs to pee, but he's also thirsty, so he doesn't really know if he should go to the bar to get something to drink, or to the toilet first. Maybe that, his bladder is about to burst, so yeah. Toilet. Right. 

A part of his brain is telling him Changkyun, don't be a pussy, but a part of him wanted to say that pussy is not a real insult, you're an idiot, brain, women rock. And, yeah, okay, he is kind of stalling, but he is not sure about what, so there's that, too. And as soon as he makes it to the bathroom his brain goes  _ oh, that thing _ and he kinda wants to make a run for it, but he promised himself he'd be honest, for once. So he drinks as much water as he can, tries to clear up his head, and whatever, just fuck it, maybe later.

***

_ 01:43 _

Sipping at his soda and munching some crackers on the table, the boy just looks down, he's watching people dance, grind, jump around, some kissing here and there, and he should feel lonely sitting by himself on the couch, but it's the VIP section, you don't look miserable and it's not obvious you miss someone, you look kind of cool, like you're royalty, looking at the subjects from your balcony or your high tower, they can't reach you, but you can't reach back to them either.

And he's probably he's rubbing off too much on Hyungwon, since the DJ decided (and somehow managed perfectly) to add 1979 by The Smashing Pumpkins on a sort of trance mix, and had Changkyun not sobered after several glasses of water and some sodas, he'd be dancing down there with the peasants, but he doesn't feel like dancing alone anymore, and there's this dude looking at him from the higher part of the dance floor, and he's alright, he's got a nice height and a face that's easy on the eyes, and okay, that's a flirty smile, maybe in some other moment that would've granted at least one song with the boy, but not today, and fine, it takes two to tango, but he doesn't wanna dance with that dude.

"You okay there, Kkungkkungie?" a voice calls him, and oh so hopeful he turns to looks, and Hoseok is sitting to his left, and for a moment he has to stop and stare, because the older's duality always leaves him speechless. Clad in tight white pants, and a bluish see-through top, open chest no less, Hoseok looks like Lust personified, but his soft smile and even softer eyes are a stark contrast to the whole place they're sitting in.

Hoseok belongs in a fine arts museum, in a gallery about what angels must look like, not some club next to whiskey bottles in a smoke filled room, no matter how high end said club could be.

"Kkung?"

"Uh, hi, hyung," he mumbles. So much for being the youngest, most eloquent professor at the faculty "Happy birthday, by the way"

"Thanks for the watch, no need to send it through mail, though"

"It's nothing" he shrugs. Not like he spent half his paycheck on it.

"What's got you so focused in there?" the older asks as he sits closer to the boy while looking down at the dance floor.

"Nothing. Just people-watching, but got lost in my head, so"

"That guy is looking at you"

And he looks at Hoseok, focuses on his face, the bridge of his nose, the little curve in the corner of his lips, and his chubby cheeks, his jawline and finally his ears. And Changkyun knows he's staring, but he can't pass it up, not when Hoseok is right there, so he sits closer to the older, close enough to whisper "The whole club might look and I couldn't care less. It's not them I'm here for tonight, hyung"

And Hoseok looks at him, face blank except for his eyes, and dear God, the things this man does to Changkyun without moving a muscle.

"Wanna dance with me?" the boy asks, and the older looks doubtful at first, but he'd rather jump off the Tokyo Tower than take it back, but then Hoseok smirks, and Changkyun melts a little when he hears the make say "Gladly"

Walking the stairs hand in hand, the two of them make their way to the dance floor, but before they make it, Katie comes up to them with two glasses of a blue-something "Sex on the beach. On the house" she declares giving one glass each before disappearing as fast as she appeared.

"Love shot?" Changkyun jokes just for the hell of it, and Hoseok beams before laughing and it's music, really, in the boy's opinion.

Glasses discarded on the bar, they finally make their way to the dancefloor.

***

_ 02:47 _

Swaying their hips to the rhythm, they get immersed in the music, the heavy bass echoing in their bellies, and Hoseok enjoys as much as he can without truly letting himself go, it's just for tonight, he reassures himself, and as long as he leaves at a sensible time, he'd be okay, he went to Hyungwon's birthday like he promised, he's not avoiding anyone anymore, he should be fine.

And they're just dancing, friends dance together, too. Maybe they don't grind on each other or keep their hands on each other's hips, but still. Just dancing. But then the boy leans back, head os Hoseok's left shoulder, neck exposed, and Hoseok's willpower falters, the position far more intimate than a 'just friends' situation, and it also resembles so much the many times the younger had his head in this exact same place, no clothes, and Hoseok sat on his heels to support both their weights, one of his arms securely around the boy's middle and the other on his chest, holding him tight against himself, and then with one hand he'd take the boy's chin to make him turn his head to face him, devouring his moans in a deep, slow kiss as he thrusted balls deep into the boy. His chest aches and there's fire at the pit of his belly. And the memory feels so vivid, especially with the way Changkyun has his eyes closed, sweat running down his neck. 

So vivid Hoseok doesn't really know what to do, so he calls "Changkyun-ah"

"Hmm?"

"Look at me" the boy obeys "I'm not that strong"

"Hyung? You okay?"

"I'm not that strong, Kyunnie, and if you keep it up, I'm not strong enough to keep myself from kissing you"

"Kiss me, then" Changkyun says turning around to fully face the older "Kiss me and don't let me go"

"You mean?"

"I wanna go home with you tonight, hyung. Tonight and every night"

And Hoseok wants so badly to believe him, but there's this voice at the back of his head telling him that tomorrow morning he'll regret this, that Changkyun, too, will regret this, the boy will tell him he changed his mind and they shouldn't have done anything at all, and then he'll tell Hoseok that it's better if they don't hang out with their friends for a while as he walks him to the door, not even a kiss goodbye, and-

"Am I too late, hyung?" the boy asks and damn, it kind of breaks Hoseok's heart how vulnerable and insecure the boy sounds, and he hasn't said a word, so that's probably not helping "Shit- I lost you for good, didn't I? I'm so sorry, hyung, I'm an idiot and I shouldn't be telling you this on the middle of a fucking club, but I kinda figured it was now or never, and fuck, hyung, you deserve a better confession, but I'm gonna say it anyways" he rambles before taking a deep breath "I'm in love with you"

It's like the club, hell, the whole world has gone silent and time stopped, and a part of him wants to run away because no, changkyun doesn't mean that, but the bigger part of him just  _ knows _ and it makes sense, so he does the only logical thing he deems fit, and takes the boy's face in his hands and kisses him, and he never knew, but it's like he's finally breathing again, he needs air and all of a sudden Changkyun is his source of oxygen.

And, oh God, how he missed those lips on his, how he yearned for those hands gripping at his shirt, and the people at the club be damned, Hoseok is the only one who matters right now, Changkyun decides.

And, oh shit, Hoseok feels like he's burning up, they're barely just kissing, but his whole body feels on fire, their fronts touching but it's not enough, not nearly enough.

"Let's get out of here, Kyun" he breathes out.

***

_ 03:01 _

**Me [02:58]**

_ hyung hoseokkie hyungie and i left _

_ tell the guys pls <3 _

**Tol hyung [03:01]**

_ Get your man kid! _

**Me [03:07]**

_ akjfkashdfjkdljh _

_ will do <3 _

Looking at the boy's side profile, Hoseok had a hard time keeping his hands to himself, Changkyun's face was illuminated by the phone screen yet it looked so nice, so soft, Hoseok used the back of his fingers to slowly trace the boy's features. From his cheekbones, to his acne scars, to finally his jawline.

"Hyung" the boy whispered, Hoseok didn't even noticed when the boy pocketed his phone "Hyung, you're staring"

Hoseok smiled "Am I making you shy?"

"Very"

"Good"

The taxi driver cleared his throat and announced the fare since they had arrived, bt none of the boys noticed.

As soon as the elevator's doors closed, the boys takes Hoseok's face his his hands and kisses him, quick and simple, yet it makes his whole body burn, he grunts and the boy giggles as he pulls back.

"Tease" Hoseok mumbles.

"Look who's talking, mister see-through top"

"Hyungwon's fault"

"I'll send him flowers to thank him, then"

"You brat"

"That I am"

As they reached their floor, Changkyun takes Hoseok's hand and walks him to the apartment, walking backwards, which has him tripping on someone's mat, and almost making him fall had it not been for Hoseok catching him.

Pressed flush against the older's chest, he feels his heart racing and he can't stop staring at the other's soft smile.

"You're so beautiful, hyung" he whispers as Hoseoks runs a hand through his hair, making him lean into the touch, he closes his eyes "Open the door for me?"

"What's the code?"

"Today"

"Today?"

"Your birthday"

Hoseok snorts as he inputs the code and proceeds to kiss the boy, he lifts him up and the boy wraps his legs around Hoseok's waist.

He places him on the kitchen counter and takes his shoes off, then his own, the boy jumps off and takes him to the bedroom. Tiny Satan was comfortably sleeping on the pillow, and as soon as he saw them both, he wiggled his tail, demanded his nose to be bopped and went to the living room where his bed was.

The boy turns them around, and Hoseok's legs touch the bed as he sits down, and somehow it's like he's standing too close to the fireplace, his body is hot all over and when the boy straddles him, it takes his breath away.

They undress each other between kisses, groan when there's friction and moan as they kiss each others weak spots.

And the boys kisses every inch of skin he sees, his hands roaming, caressing softly every nook, dip, everything on display, and his lips leave fire in their wake, Hoseok shivers as the black-haired boy leaves open-mouthed kisses in his thighs, his hips, his navel, to finally land on his crotch.

"I missed so fucking much, hyung"

"I missed you, too, Kyunnie, so much"

"I thought I was gonna die" he says before kissing Hoseok's cock all the way from the base to the tip "God, I missed your taste" he licks "I tried to just see you as a friend, I really tried, but just a friend doesn't know the way you taste, and I love the way you taste"

"Kyunnie, stop teasing"

"You want my mouth, hyung?"

"Yes, I want your mouth and all of you"

"As you wish" he whispers, and he starts to bob his head slowly, truly savoring the older's length, he covers what his mouth can't reach with his hands and squeezes, Hoseok's moans get louder, and he sucks harshly at the tip, precome and spit running down his jaw, he pulls back for air and goes back to suck again, this time faster and deeper, tears pool at his eyes, and Hoseok's hips buck, making him gag as he chokes a little.

"Changkyun-ah, stop, I'm close"

"It's okay, hyung, I'll swallow," he says quickly and sucks, sucks, sucks, and Hoseok comes down his throat, shooting hard and he swallows as much as he can, milks him dry, he sucks one final time and kisses his way back up to the older's lips.

They slowly kiss and he's so hard, his dick aches a little, all red and neglected.

"Turn around, baby, ass up" Hoseok orders, voice deep. He massages the boy's ass, the globes bouncing as he slaps him "That's for blocking my number", he slaps him again "That's for avoiding me and not even showing up for Christmas" another harsh slap, the boy moans "That's for not being my New Year's kiss," another slap "That's for every night I dreamt of you and had to wake up alone," he squeezes the boy's butt and gives it one final slap "That's for running around in my head 24/7." He bends over, and kisses the boy from the base of his neck to the small of his back, he separates the boy's ass cheeks and teases him with a thumb "And this," he says as a prodding finger circles the boy's hole "is because I missed you so fucking much I was losing my damn mind," he says and licks a strip from the boy's balls to his hole, wich causes him to arch his back and mewl "you like that?" Hoseok smirks

"I love that, hyung, you know it, please don't stop"

Hoseok lick the boy's hole again, circles his tongue against the ring of muscle, teases him with a finger and penetrates him with his tongue, the boy gasps and moans, Hoseok sucks and quickens his pace, uses both his tongue and index finger, the boy whines and starts pumping his dick, his hips shaking a little, his whole body shivers and Hoseok decides to tease him using just one finger.

" _ Hyung _ " Changkyun whines and pushes his hips back.

The older uses his tongue again, his mouth making loud sounds, his whole face is buried in the boy's ass, he flattens his tongue against the rim and the boy whimpers, loud and high pitched, and before he even manages to say a word, Hoseok knows the boy is about to come, so he uses two fingers and his tongue, and pushes him over the edge, the boy comes and shoots on his own hand.

Hoseok takes him by the waist and lays the both of them down, they kiss some more and catch their breaths, their hands roaming, rediscovering the other.

"I love you, hyung" Changkyun mumbles against Hoseok's lips, and the older kisses him deeply, towering over him, and the boy holds him tighter in place, opening his legs to make room for the older, he starts kissing Hoseok's jaw, his neck, the base of his throat, his collarbones, bites him a few times and uses his hand to pump him back to full hardness "Pass me the lube," he whispers, so Hoseok opens the drawer and pull the bottle and a few condoms, which the boy throws far away, Hoseok pulls back and looks at him questioningly "I wanna feel you fill me up tonight"

Hoseok stares at him "You sure?"

"100%" he nods "After tonight, there's no turning back for me" he says softly, feeling both vulnerable and bold "I told you: tonight and every night. I mean it"

And Hoseok kisses him hard, his chest feels as if it's about to explode, and maybe it's the need for air, but it's also how the boy makes him feel, he pulls back, their foreheads touching, and pours a little bit of lube on his fingers, he kisses the boy again and sneaks his hand between the boy's legs, he pushes two fingers at the same time, the ring of muscles giving in easily, and the boy moans, eyebrows furrowed together, he bites his lips as the older scissors him open, and his back arches after a certain angle, his nails digging into Hoseok's shoulders "Hyung, more" he whimpers, and Hoseok complies, his own dick throbbing, he's now four fingers in, knuckles deep and the boy hugs him, heels digging into the small of Hoseok's back "Give me your cock, hyung, now" he demands, and Hoseok aligns himself before sinking halfway to the boys, the both of them moan, the boy letting out deep breaths while he adjusts to the stretch "Deeper, hyung" he whispers, voice barely audible.

Ball deeps, but unmoving, Hoseok looks at Changkyun's face, hair a mass of black contrasting the face, head on the pillow and the boy looks mesmerizing, eyes shining and cheeks blushed, he nods, and Hoseok set a slow pace, the boy furrows his eyebrows, jaw dropping as Hoseok fastens the rhythm, and his back arches yet again, he moaning, whimpering, nails scratching the older's back but he can't look away, no matter how much pleasure he is feeling, he just can't look away, and Hoseok has set a rhythm so fast, so brutal the boy isn't sure how much he'll be able to take before coming, so he taps Hoseok's arm, and the older stops. 

The older pulls out and sits back, and the boy scrambles to straddle him, he sinks onto the older's dick again, and it's such a relief for the both of them.

"God, I feel so full, I missed this so much, you're so good, such a good boy, my good boy" Changkyun says, voice hoarse, he kisses Hoseok again as slow paced thrusts meet his bounces, and they stay like that for quite some time, reaching slowly but steadily their release, and it hits them almost at the same time, they swallow each other's moans.

Catching their breaths, they look at each other, and Changkyun feels almost hypnotized, he can't look at anywhere but Hoseok's deep eyes, so he kisses him again one more time before the older pulls out.

"Let's get you cleaned up, baby" Hoseok says before leaving a kiss to the boy's temple.

  
  


***

_ 09:21 _

Slowly opening his eyes, Changkyun looks at the male peacefully sleeping, his head on his chest resting right on top of his heart, arm securely wrapped around the younger's middle, and he looks so calm, his cheeks puffy and rosy, squished against Changkyun's rib cage, and the latter could count the lashes on Hoseok's eyes, there's a few freckles here and there, barely visible, and he's committing the image to his memory, like he wants to tattoo it on his mind, and the older sighs in his sleep, moving closer to the younger, his breath fanning over the boy's neck, his hair tickling the boy's chin, and he feels so safe, so comfortable despite the older crushing him on the mattress, he could fall back asleep, the warmth so inviting, the sheets so soft, and Hoseok is right there, and there's no outside world, no worries, no deadlines, no tests to grade, no meetings to attend, no classes to plan, no tutoring sessions to schedule, nothing, just him, Hoseok, and his bedroom, and it feels right, like the missing puzzle piece finally falling into place, and he can finally see the whole picture, and it feels so right, and his chest feels so full, he's about to explode, but his heart is no longer racing, no longer beating so fast it reminds him of a little bird caged against his will.

And he needs to will himself awake, because he feels so cozy, the bed feels like a cloud, and to go back to sleep feels so tempting, but he doesn't want to miss the view, if he could, he'd take thousands of pictures right now, but that means getting up and fetching his phone, and he does not want to move, he doesn't want to break the embrace and miss a second of this, he has already missed enough these past few months.

And he's blinking slowly, he feels himself getting sleepier by the minute, his eyelids heavy so he dozes off, albeit reluctantly.

***

_ 10:54 _

He wakes up and he  _ really _ needs to pee, his stomach grumbles loudly, and yeah, he should eat something, the last time he ate was last night around seven, before the party, but he needs to use the bathroom, so he sits up, and looks to the side, and feels disappointed (but no really surprised) that Hoseok left when he was sleeping, and the bed feels a tiny bit bigger now; he almost feels dumb for having held onto a little hope, after all, he may not really deserve-

"You're awake" Hoseok says, hair dripping and fully dressed.

"You leaving already?"

"Yeah, didn't mean to really prolong my-"

"Stay"

Hoseok looks at him, eyes searching for any sign of doubt, for any indication he'll take it back, so he stares back, heart pounding in fear the older will just walk out, but he's not moving, frozen in place, but that's better than leaving.

"Stay" he repeats, this time crawling to the end of the bed.

"You want me to?"

"I want you to stay, and I don't mean for like breakfast or lunch" he rambles "I want you to stay. For good."

It takes Hoseok half a second to walk the few steps from the bathroom door to the Changkyun and take the boy's face in his hands and plant a kiss on the pinkish lips he adores so much.

Both of them smile into the kiss and they pull apart, blushing like idiots in love.

"I have morning breath, hyung"

"Don't care"

"I need to pee and a shower, give me ten minutes"

  
  


Walking out of the bathroom, the first thing he notices is the fresh smell of food, his stomach growls and his mouth waters, the second thing he notices is how comfy Tiny Satan looks just chilling in Hoseok's yesterday's clothes, the third thing he notices is how Hoseok, now using one of his hoodies and sweatpants is humming to a song on the radio, swaying to the rhythm as he stirs something on the stove, and he looks so soft from behind, the sunlight hitting his back and he's glowing, but he also looks so manly, so sturdy, like he could totally support Changkyun's entire weight on his shoulders if needed to. So the younger approaches him, and wraps his arms around Hoseok's (tiny, tiny) waist and rests his head on the older's shoulder, after stepping on his tippy toes to place a kiss to Hoseok's cheek.

"Rice is almost ready, the eggs are done, and the soup is done, too," the older male says turning to face him "You took longer than ten minutes, though"

Chagkyun hums, closing his eyes to nuzzle his nose at Hoseok's neck, he smells a little like his body soap, but also like something else, like warm towels fresh from the dryer, like a cup of coffee with a splash of milk on an early morning, like a blanket on the couch after you wake up from a nap.

Like home.

"Look at me," Hoseok says softly, and Changkyun complies, they stare at each other for a few seconds until the younger closes the distance and kisses him softly, slowly, like he's afraid he'll wake up from a dream, like the older will fade away as soon as he opens his eyes, but he needs air, so he pulls back.

"Hyung, I-" he manages to say before Hoseok claims his lips again, this time much more demanding, more intense, hungry like a ravenous wolf and all of a sudden it's way too real, it's intense, the world goes silent and breakfast be damned, the only thing he wants is Hoseok now. The same Hoseok who sneaks his tongue past Changkyun's lips and swallows every moan he lets out as he is being cornered by the older to the kitchen counter, Changkyun moans and Hoseok growls, his knee comes between the younger's legs and he feels how hard Hoseok is, it's been only a few minutes of kissing yet the older is sporting a hard rock erection, the knowledge of him being the reason for it drives Changkyun insane, so much he feels burning up from head to toes.

He drops to his knees the moment Hoseok pulls back for air, he mouths at the older's bulge and a hand comes to caress his face, and intertwines in his hair.

Hoseok lets out a breathy moan as Changkyun pulls the pants down, no underwear so his cock springs free. Changkyun gives it a few teasing pumps as he leaves open mouthed kisses along Hoseok's thighs, hip bones, Adonis' belt, to finally reach the base oh his dick, the older moan as the boy wraps his lips around the head, covering with his hand what he can't with his mouth, he bobs his head slowly, taking his sweet time savoring every inch he reaches, he bobs his head and Hoseok moans, and then he leaves open mouthed along the shaft when he has a hard time breathing, Hoseok's dick twitching, precome dripping and making the boy's lips shine with it.

"My beautiful hyung, your cock is so pretty, so thick, I love your cock" he praises, his voice raspy, and how deep and hoarse it sounds goes straight to the older's gut, and the boy attacks once more Hoseok's cock, precome now running down from his lips to his neck,and tears gathered in his eyes, he chokes a few times and the pleasure becomes so overwhelming the older doesn't get to warn the boy before he's coming, shooting down younger's throat, who swallows as much as he can.

Using the back of his hand, Changkyun wipes his mouth and starts kissing his way back up all over Hoseok's front, he kisses the mole next to his belly button, the dip next to the hip, the upper part of the older's six ( _ eight, now _ ) pack, between his pecs, on his chest right on top of his heart, on his sternum, his collarbones, the base of his throat, his Adam's apple, his pulse point, the side of his neck, going from the little spot below his ear to his jawline, the he starts peppering kisses all over Hoseok's face, to finally kiss his lips as he cups his face.

"I wasn't drunk last night, hyung, I meant what I said" he whispers, like it's a secret and it's something for only the two of them to know.

Hoseok looks at him, cheeks rosy and glossy eyes, and the way he stares at him, like he's trying to drown himself in Changkyun's eyes, has him feeling like he's on top of the world, but at the same time so vulnerable, so raw and exposed, yet guarded and safe,something only Hoseok can make him feel, and he's about to explode, he can't believe he's capable of feeling this much, and he wonders if the older knows what kind of effect he has on him.

"Changkyunnie" Hoseok says softly, he sighs and braces himself before speaking, and for a brief moment the younger fears their little bubble is about to burst, the older will be the one telling him they should stop, it's not okay, and he'll walk out the door, but he doesn't, he licks his lips and his eyes look so soft, yet a bit wary, but his emotions are quite clear and his heart out in the open, Changkyun likes to believe, but Hoseok still hasn't said a word, he keeps looking at the boy's eyes, then he closes his own eyes and rest his forehead on the younger's "Please, don't let this be a dream, I'm way in too deep with you, Changkyunnie, if you give me hope, don't let me down, don't push me away, please-"

"Hyung-"

"I mean it, so-"

"I'm in love with you" he says before grabbing Hoseok by the hoodie and crashing their lips together, and the kiss is nothing short of intense, there's more than just lust in there, there's the need to touch, to feel, to express how much he loves the older male, and their tongues fight for dominance, Hoseok moans and it goes straight to Changkyun's neglected dick.

Hoseok scoops him in his arms and carries him to the bed, where he places him gently and crawls above him, towering and surrounding him in a way he's everything Changkyun sees.

Hoseok had set a slow rhythm at first, quite enjoying how much the boy kept squirming under his touch, but then he picked up the pace, the moans became louder, and the sound of skin on skin filling the room as they drowned in each other, in every kiss, every touch, every beat of their hearts so in synch, every move so intense it was hard to even breathe.

There was not a piece of skin in Hoseok's body Changkyun didn't touch, and there was not a piece of skin in Changkyun's body Hoseok didn't kiss, they had marked each other quite a few times, and it felt like madness, but it also felt so right, it made so much sense yet it was absolute craziness.

***

_ 15:41 _

Hoseok was playing quietly with the soap bubbles on the water's surface, his mind, for once, calm and somewhat quiet, his heart full and his cheeks blushed, only in part due to the temperature of the water, behind him, Changkyun gave him the weirdest hairdos using the foam from the shampoo, it was quite relaxing, and the younger was, not surprisingly, pretty good at massages. The bath was supposed to be aftercare for the younger, but the boy had insisted Hoseok hopped on the water with him, at first they were sitting the other way around, with changkyun's back to Hoseok's chest, but the boy had deemed it time for him to wash Hoseok's hair, and he wasn't about to contradict being the little spoon.

"Hyung"

"Hmm?" Hoseok called as he turned to look at Changkyun, but his face was quickly forced to turn the other way

"Don't look at me"

"What?"

"I'm about to get super sappy and if you look at me I might chicken out but I really need to say this" he says as he places his arms around Hoseok's waist and rests his face on the older's shoulder. "I'm always the one walking away, fading from people's lives and it has always been easy for me to do that, and I've come to get used to being me, just me on my own, and I was contempt with solitude, it was a comfortable loneliness, and no matter who I met, they were all temporary, useful entertainment, and I was always doing that, eventually disappearing, walking away. You know how some people are hard to get? Well, I'm hard to keep, I guess? I don't know, but when it comes to you, i can't walk away, you're so good, so good, hyung, it's so easy to love you, and I tried, fuck, I really tried to stay away, to really walk away because you're just too good to be true, at some point you're gonna get bored of me, you're gonna be the one walking away and moving on, and I'll be left here wondering how the hell I got so lucky for a while, and I don't care if ot lasts a few weeks or quite a few years, I love you so fucking much I just wanna see you happy, with or without me, but for what it's worth, for now let me love you as much as I can"

Hoseok stands on the tub and turns around, he doesn't feel capable of words good enough to express how he feels, and in another moment he would worry, he's supposed to be a composer, dammit, but now, his first priority is accomodate Changkyun in his lap on the bathtub and hold him as close as possible, and he can't help but chuckle at the thought that they're in lotus position, and hell, if it felt intimate before, now feels twice as much so he brings the boy's lips to his own and kisses him slowly no rush at all, they have each other, and as long as they do, the world is on standby, time has paused and there's nothing else in the universe but them.

  
  


***

_ 0:24 _

"Hyunwoo hyung, can you bring more napkins?" Jooheon calls from the sofa

_ Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix _ paused at a very unflattering angle for Gary Oldman on the TV.

Minhyuk is curled up on the corner next to Jooheon, half of his body draped on his boyfriend's lap and he's fighting sleep, he's blinking slowly but hasn't given up yet, to the other side of the host, Katie is curled up to Kihyun's left shoulder, who had already fallen asleep (he actually started nodding during  _ Toy Story  _ 4 _ , _ but will deny it anyways), Gunhee was taking pictures of everything he deemed funny enough, or possible blackmail material, they would find out later on the group chat during the week, anyways.

Jooheon looks around and a little fond smile forms on his face, Hyungwon was sprawled on the little mattress they had set up on the floor waiting for Hyunwoo for return from the kitchen with more popcorn so he could cuddle his boyfriend, at least, and while everybody teased them about being glued by the hips and them denying it, it was both annoying and cute.

From time to time, the second youngest of the group would take a moment to stop and stare, or rather, to appreciate silently his group of friends. He was so grateful for them, they had helped him so much in his darkest moments, especially after his parents kicked him out the very day he came out, and he had felt so lost and hopeless, but years later, all of that is past, and while he still doesn't talk to his mom, his dad is quite a different story, and he knows that sometimes in life the sun sets, and you gotta make the best off of the worst, but the sun also rises, and he is thankful the most for the people in the room. He looks further away, to the smaller couch by the other corner of the room where Changkyun and Hoseok are lost in conversation they probably didn't even notice the movie pausing, and it's pretty usual by now, a year later since they announced something that everyone except for them knew it would happen eventually, and they still look at each other in such a way, the rest of the world is just scenery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm annoying on twt come find out

**Author's Note:**

> follow me [on twt](https://twitter.com/caffeinemeerkat) not to miss my terrible jokes


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